1.
[teenage girl reading horoscope tweets] "Gemini's go to sleep when they are tired" HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO ME
2.
me: I can't sleep WebMD: lol u pregnant
3.
she's all "don't sleep in the nude- what if there's a fire and the fire men come and see you naked" uh you pretty much described my fantasy
4.
Every morning when the alarm goes off, I wake up & say "it's time to chase my dreams!" & then I press the snooze button & go back to sleep.
5.
Prince Charming: I will awaken her with love's sweet ki-- Sleeping Beauty: five more minutes
6.
"SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP" I yell at the neighbor I can hear vacuuming at 1pm in the afternoon.
7.
i have two moods: ・sleep is for the weak ・sleeping for a week
8.
Did Adam and Eve have bellybuttons? *reason #42 why I can't fall asleep
9.
I used to be able to pull all nighters but now I can barely even pull all dayers haha I love sleeping
10.
*slips seductively out of shorts* You know what that means... *sleeps soundly for 7 hours* *drools a little*
11.
Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad to be alive? I just did and I won't be allowed on this airline again
12.
*wakes up from a 10 year coma, pretends to be asleep for an extra 5 minutes*
13.
Goodnight honey. "Daddy, where do babies come from?" The stork flies them in. "Why's it take 9 months?" Wind resistance. Go to sleep.
14.
Fun fact: The average Canadian swallows eight moose per year in their sleep.
15.
Romeo and Juliet is my favorite story about idiot teenagers who don't know the difference between sleeping and dead
16.
"Hey. You sleeping? No? Whatcha thinkin about? Hey. Did you hear me? Hey. Hey. Ok. You're boring. I'm leaving... Jk I'm back. Hey" - Birds
17.
*waits until a bird falls asleep, quietly creeps beside it's nest* HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO ARE YOU AWAKE!?!! HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS!?!
18.
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that's not a risk I'm willing to take.
19.
[baby wakes up in the middle night] "Go back to sleep, hun. I'll sort it out." [puts baby on eBay]
20.
elephants sleep standing up you could be chillin with an elephant and at any moment they could just be like "lmao for sure, g'night"
21.
How to sleep: 1. Lay down 2. Dim lights 3. Dwell about literally every mistake you've made in your life for 6 hours 4. Rest for 9 minutes
22.
How long do I have to sleep before I'm legally a bear?
23.
The GF goes away for 10 days, *shits going to get wild * sleeps in middle of bed
24.
When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning", I sleep til noon because I am a problem solver