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Santa Won't Be Coming Because People Are Masturbating At 2am On Christmas Day

'Tis the season to masturbate over Santa Claus.

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Christmas is the time for presents, food, and... uh, porn apparently.

Funny or Die

According to Pornhub, who have just released their Christmas statistics, there is a huge increase in searches for festive related porn around this time.

The most popular Christmas related searches are "Santa", "Christmas present", and "xmas", with "Santa Claus" and "Christmas orgy" rounding out the top five.

The percents show the increase of that search compared to normal. The biggest increases are "Christmas party" (921%), "black Santa" (809%), and "Santa's little helper" (808%).
pornhub.com

The percents show the increase of that search compared to normal. The biggest increases are "Christmas party" (921%), "black Santa" (809%), and "Santa's little helper" (808%).

In terms of gender, men are apparently 34% more likely to search Christmas related porn than women.

Women are apparently 220% more likely to search for "old Santa Claus" compared to men, while men are 313% more likely to search for "Christmas POV".
pornhub.com

Women are apparently 220% more likely to search for "old Santa Claus" compared to men, while men are 313% more likely to search for "Christmas POV".

On Christmas Eve, traffic to Pornhub rises and falls throughout the day, but it drops off drastically in the evening.

Which is completely fair tbh because everybody should be in bed waiting for Santa to come, not waiting for Santa to cum.
pornhub.com

Which is completely fair tbh because everybody should be in bed waiting for Santa to come, not waiting for Santa to cum.

But just when you thought everybody had given up masturbating for the festive period, traffic has a huge jump, with a 34% increase compared to regular 2am visits.

But don't fret, it quickly falls to 40% less than normal from 6am, when everybody's up at the crack of dawn opening presents.
pornhub.com

But don't fret, it quickly falls to 40% less than normal from 6am, when everybody's up at the crack of dawn opening presents.

So maybe it'll be a white Christmas after all!

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