You may remember Twitter user @_zolarmoon's epic story about her trip to Florida which went viral recently.
"By the time Tina and I got done talking about it I was like, this sounds like the beginning to a movie. And I knew I had to get it out there," Xavier told BuzzFeed.
So, without further ado, "Tina and the Gucci Flip-Flop"...
She tells me, "It's cuz I've been trapped in the closet. Every girl has a trapped in the closet moment."
She's like, "Nah, let me break this down for you X."
So I met this dude right, X. He cute. Bout a 7 or 8. Smart, good head on his shoulders. He's a nurse. I like male nurses. It's my thing.
So you know me, X. Imma take the plunge. Maybe get it popping. I done seen him in the sweatpants. He gots an anaconda.
(Back to me) First time I've ever heard a girl say pooch the cooch. I'm listening real intently like...
"So what you think about starting us?" I'm like, "Watchu mean start us?" He's like,"We been talking and I wanna take it to the next level"
I ain't that kinda girl. I don't make the first move. I'm old school. The man leads and I wanna follow. He can't lead, I can't follow.
So I crawl up in his arms real tight. I can like...feel myself just twinkling so next thing you know...we in the bedroom.
(Back to me) Who call they lady parts apple pie?
He get on top of me. I can feel his shoulders just covering my whole body. He's making my womanhood quiver. Just Qua-evvv-rrr...
(Back to me) What he whisper in ya ear Tina?
(Back to me) I'm like...nah, not waterfalls...not like waterfalls.
Just as he's about to whip out the meat....we hear a banging at the door.
(Back to me) I'm on the edge my seat listening like...
I'm like...what you mean...get in the closet? I ain't getting in no closet. This n*gga picks me up and throws me into the closet.
Nekkid on the floor in his closet next to some timbs and Gucci flip flops. At this point, I'm too in shock to even get up.
(Back to me) I'm sitting beside Tina thinking, not some Gucci flip flops...
But right as I'm bout to bust that closet open I hear screaming from the living room. Oldboy and whoever homegirl is, they going at it!
I back away from the closet door. F*ck! This POS got a girl! He got a girl and I'm stuck on his f'ing closet while they fighting!
Xavier...
(Back to me) My hands cringing like this...
(Back to me) What?
(Back to me) WHAT?
(Back to me) WHAT IS IT TINA!
(Back to Tina) It wasn't a woman that bust thru that door Xavier...
(Back to me)
Kevin trying to calm Chris down. And Chris, Chris is just hysterical. Chris screams,"Oh yea!" Chris starts walking towards the closet...
Then Chris opens...
(Back to me) I'm in the cut listening to Tina like...
X, I immediately realize Kevin anaconda done slithered across every continent. Chris don't even know nothing bout me. I ain't even in this.
Kevin grabs Chris & starts kissing him. Chris is trying to fight him off, "I hate you Kevin! I hate you! I hate you! Everything about you!"
And Chris is just...he can't even help himself. Kevin drops his drawers and it just flops out like a baby elephant.
(Back to me) I just want to leave at this point, but now...I gotta finish hearing this story.
And that's when I snapped X. I snapped. Every cell in my body saw red and then...then...
(Back to me) I'm looking at Tina like...
Chris walks over to the closet...
(Back to me) Don't do it Chris...
(Back to me) I'm just like, Chris plz stop...
(Back to Me) Chris, don't...open...that...door
I grab my purse. F*ck my clothes. And I dash out the front door. In my panties. Dead at night. Straight to my car.
(Back to me) I just sit there. Astounded. I ask, "Why did you cry?"
It ain't about him being a cheater. It's about me. ME. When everything else dies, I'll still be here waiting for someone to do me right.
(Back to Me) I really, really do wish I knew the answer.
(Back to me) You right. But real talk Tina...why you had to Hit'm with a Gucci flip flop?
Fin.
Told you to watch out for that Gucci flip-flop.