22 Tweets About Condoms That Are Just Really Fucking Funny

“I bet homophobic guys get reincarnated as condoms.”

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I'd like to buy this EXTRA SMALL condom please. "Sir, that is a sleeping bag" *winks at cashier continually until she finishes her shift*

— Jazmasta (@jazmasta)
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DATE: This place is so fancy ME: Ever have a guy splurge on you before? DATE: Well, only when we didn't have a condom

— Eldge (@Sickayduh)
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I don't understand why people get embarrassed buying condoms. It's much more awkward trying to return them. "She didn't like me."

— Kelkulus (@kelkulus)
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Seems like Hello Kitty should be a brand of condoms.

— Bill Mc7 (@BillMc7)
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I bet homophobic guys get reincarnated into condoms.

— PieGuy (@ilovepie84)
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"How about if I put a balloon over it? Would you touch it then?" -guy who invented condoms

— Steve Suckington (@SteveSuckington)
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[handing out condoms to trick or treaters] give these to your parents, I don't want more of you coming back next year

— paperwash© (@PaperWash)
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Saw a teen couple buying condoms in the pharmacy so I let my grandbaby run around their feet & whispered 'that's the brand my daughter used'

— Jandalize (@Jandalize)
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"Oh, Monster TRUCK rally. Haha of course..." *Frankenstein slowly backs out of the room, hiding a 24 pack of condoms behind his back*

— Hip Dad Online (@hardlyrelevant)
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*Condom Co* [ok, don't let them know ur a frog] "Any ideas how we can make our condoms more pleasurable for her?" ME: Ribbit "Genius"

— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy)
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[buying condoms] Do you have anything bigger? Like if someone wanted to pretend to be a slippery ghost for a day, or something like that.

— Thynebear (@Thynebear)
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Poking holes in your parents condoms so there's someone else to do the dishes

— The Football HQ (@The_Football_HQ)
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I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"

— JD (@JD_Barney)
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The new neighbors moved in today. I brought them a box of condoms to show how much I don't want anymore children living on our street.

— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5)
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I'm so committed to pizza that I've stopped wearing a condom when I eat it.

— Jake (@jake_likes_naps)
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When I go shopping I like to buy condoms and cat food at the same time just to confuse the cashier.

— ☠️ Bonez ☠️ (@T_Bonezzz_)
22.

Gonna start feeding my dog condoms, so when she poops they're already in tiny little bags!

— MamaJax (@JackieluvsUK)

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Ben Henry is a staff writer for BuzzFeed UK and is based in London.
 
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