1.
i’m “if we haven’t left before 10pm, i’m not going.” years old.
2.
invite me to the party but don't expect me to come
3.
me sending "lol" in the group chat once a week
4.
I find it very rude and offensive when I buy something and the money comes out of my account
5.
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7.
damn, my mum really cares
8.
A guy at work asked me to cover his shift so he could take his girl to winter wonderland awwww so sweet (I said no)
9.
Me explaining to my friends how to fix their relationships whilst my single ass hasn't dated a single person in 19… https://t.co/lJwRAhSIdP
10.
And they never laughed and called him names again.
11.
goodnight does not mean i’m going to bed. it means i’m no longer open for conversation so do not text me after i sa… https://t.co/dkGl4vU4qA
12.
when I tell someone off and then realize I was wrong
13.
How I want to spend my weekend
14.
Seriously can't stop watching
15.
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17.
me and my gay friends at the gates trying to convince god to let us into heaven
18.
First person to see an eclipse: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII…oh okay
19.
bitch i’m a dog, roof
20.
me: omg i look so cute right now my front camera:
21.
22.
*picks good porn, locks bedroom door, plugs headphones, whips dick out* Me to my meat :
23.
my mutuals with my retweets vs them with my tweets
24.
"Nice try," I tell my landlord. "But it's not a pet. This cat is a sovereign citizen who freely associates with us."
25.
I call this the “might make another sandwich might not”