1.If you cast the Muffliato charm, nobody else can hear you getting down.
2.You don't need to worry about dodgy erections, just Wingardium Leviosa your crotch and you've got more rock than Hogwarts castle.
3.If you're a size queen or not quite confident with the dick you have, you can whisper "Engorgio" to make a bigger wave in that ocean.
4.A witch or wizard blessed with A1 oral skills is known to give the Dementor's Kiss.
5.Most witches and wizards know that to be petrified is a bad thing. But others low-key know it's just what happens when you see a real good dick.
6.Using the charm Alohomora will unlock the vagina or butt, whichever path they want you to travel down.
7.If you and your partner are feeling particularly kinky, you can try using "PETRIFICUS TOTALUS" as a bondage-style full body bind.
8.You can also try playing dress-up to add some extra non-muggle spice. Grab your dress robes, which you probably haven't worn since the Yule Ball, and do a "Hogwarts meets Beauxbatons" role play.
9.In the wizarding world, the slang term for a threesome is "Peverell". It's also known as "uniting the hallows".
10.The Room of Requirement can basically be used as a sex room, like Christian Grey's Red Room.
11.There are two types of orgasms. The first is the unaided orgasm, where the wizard basically makes his dick his wand, screams "STUPEFY" at the top of his lungs, and ejaculates everywhere.
12.The second is the aided orgasm, in case you're finding it difficult for either you or your partner to reach climax. If all else fails, grab your wand (lol), say "Accio orgasm" and just like that, the job is done.
13.And if the sex is really bad you can both agree to perform the Obliviate spell to make sure you both forget it ever happened.