1.
First of all, let's get this out the way: Taking a dick in the ass is a lot of fucking effort.
2.
Which basically means porn stars are fucking liars.
3.
For one, you have to watch what you eat and when you eat if you're planning on having sex.
4.
Then you have to take into account the actual preparation behind bottoming. Basically douching.
5.
There is nothing fun about sticking something that's not a dick up your ass to clean yourself out.
6.
And even if you think you're clean, there's still the possibility of having a little accident.
7.
When you bottom you learn that lube is actually your best friend.
8.
And also wine can be your best friend too.
9.
But the hangover in the morning isn't a bottom's best friend, because the hangover shits.
10.
Curries, burritos, and anything else vaguely bad for you aren't your best friends either.
11.
Towels are also an absolute necessity if you want to have sex.
12.
Spontaneous sex is hot, sure, but if you're a bottom you're definitely thinking "but wait, am I going to shit myself?"
13.
In fact shitting yourself is a pretty constant thought whenever you have sex, no matter how much of a professional you are at it.
14.
One thing every bottom appreciates is a top who actually knows what he's doing.
15.
And also tops who appreciate the effort it takes just to bend over and take them.
16.
Sometimes taking a dick isn't easy and sometimes it just doesn't feel good.
17.
And sometimes you just don't want to do it, which is also fine.
18.
But then other times it really hits the spot and you want to thank the Lord for bringing this joy into your life.
19.
So to any bottoms reading this: We salute you!
