Mass Shootings and Me
I am 16 and I am afraid of my country. I go to the movies and I scope out the quickest route to the exit. In school I can't focus because I am mapping out the safest hiding spots and getting worried when there is an uncovered window on the door. I am scared of the people whose job it is to protect me. I spent the whole week after June 12, 2016 with my heart physically hurting as I immersed myself in the tragedy. Our country has a routine. You are expected to cry and pray, wait for the president to speak, and move on. The cycle starts again when another tragedy takes place. But how is it possible to move on when it's one after another. We blame anyone but ourselves. We say it's the Muslims, it's the gays, it's the liberals, it's the conservatives, it's the whites, it's the blacks. Anything to distance yourself so that it can't affect you. I am in a generation where kids call in bomb threats at school, laughing and rejoicing as they find out they get to go home. While I am standing outside terrified. I get it though, your life being threatened is something you don't want to think about or practice for. You don't expect someone on their way to take lives. I am afraid of my country but I am also angry. I am angry that after Columbine, after Aurora, after San Bernadino, after Charleston, after Sandy Hook, where children died, we were told it would stop. I am angry because I believe the blood of the lives taken are now on our hands. I think about what I would do if a shooter was in the same room as me. How he would be pointing his gun, shooting, and we would make eye contact. I think of ways I could get through to him. And it's not a black silhouette holding a gun it's the orange hair of James Holmes, the wide eyes of Adam Lanza, the hollow laugh from Omar Mateen. These are ingrained in my mind because of the media's need to make these monsters infamous by plastering their faces everywhere. I get asked, "Did you hear about the mass shooting that happened?" and I say, "Which one?". I am scared to be inside and I am scared to be outside because I may see humans but I see no humanity.
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