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1. A Mac-inspired candle for people who tend to linger in Apple stores longer than they need to.
2. A hilarious book filled with avocado puns you have guac to read for yourself.
3. A bar of soap for nihilists who don't really see the point in washing up when you're just going to die anyway.
4. A puppy latte costume so adorable, it may be the last straw that leads you to start an Instagram for your doggo.
6. A pack of pencils featuring Mean Girls quotes to help you out during your next Mathlete competition.
7. A bottle of invisible ink so you can write secret notes, no pee needed.
8. A dope-on-a-rope to fill your shower with bud and bubbles.
9. A pair of poofy pants that look suspiciously like turkey legs.
10. A coloring book featuring farting cats sure to be a toot to color in. Meow that's what I call entertainment! 🐈💨
11. A bottle of multivitamins to possibly help ease your hangover. Yes, salvation is within reach!
12. A Batman sleep mask intimidating enough to scare away any bad guys or bad dreams that might try to make trouble for you.
13. Or a sleeping mask that will keep everyone who can read away.
14. A Tina Belcher enamel pin for butt fans to proudly display on their lapel.
15. Fun-shaped bandages cute enough to ease the pain of your injury.
16. A nag notepad to optimize your nagging and possibly actually get stuff done.
17. A Deadpool mousepad that's frankly your breast chance at getting proper wrist support.
18. A book of useless but interesting facts to regal your guests with. Did you know that it's estimated that half of the world’s spider species have yet to be discovered? Yikes, that one's good for giving people nightmares.
19. A pack of sprout hair clips for an unbe-leaf-ably charming accessory.
20. A pack of Shittens that will keep you fully covered, no matter what gross thing your pet, baby, or own body just pooped out.
21. A bottle of candy eyeballs, because the best snack is one that looks back at you pleadingly to spare it. >:)
22. A tube of bourbon lip balm for people who like to keep the taste of liquor on their lips all day and still function.
23. A stress reduction poster to help you let off some steam at the office.
24. A giant magic eight ball for your biggest and most important questions.
25. A mini wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man that's just the right size to keep on your desk when you're ready to lease out some of your Hot Wheels.
26. A haunted house dice tower so you can roll for initiative in the most elaborately goth way possibly.
27. An air freshener featuring a sunglass-adorned pup who is clearly living their best life.
28. A pair of novelty glasses you can put on whenever you're ready to end a conversation.
29. A one-pound pack of Reese's peanut butter cups, because frankly the original sized cups are too wimpy.
30. A workout book written by Ruth Bader Ginsberg's personal trainer so you can get as strong as the Supreme Court Justice herself.
31. A pack of printed face masks so you can finally achieve your dream of being a really well moisturized unicorn.
32. A legit toilet keychain with a working lid so you can practice remembering to close the full sized one in your house.
33. A fun cat bed purrfect for the lil' burrower in your life.
34. A rousing game of toilet golf that sure beats puttering around on the phone.
35. A yellow sweatshirt with a banana hood for an extremely low-key costume, which sounds pretty a-peel-ing to me!
36. And a pair of Minion pens you can almost hear just by looking at them.
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