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50 Perfect Tweets Tweeted By Perfect Human Rivers Cuomo

Incontrovertible proof that Weezer's frontman truly is "The Greatest Man That Ever Lived."

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1.

You're so wound up.......let me help you relax.....

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) May 18, 2010

2.

Weezus.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) December 23, 2013

3.

Man, those Cheez-its really hit the spot.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) June 13, 2010

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4.

Do you have any idea how great you are?

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) June 19, 2010

5.

Don't want to kill the ants in my kitchen sink so I'm severely bumming them out with some peppermint oil.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) November 29, 2010

6.

Could you be any hotter?

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) August 4, 2010

7.

King of toiletries.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) July 9, 2010

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8.

Are horses ticklish?

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) June 1, 2010

9.

I know they're not doing it for my benefit, but I want to thank the birds for singing so sweetly every morning.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) April 17, 2014

10.

Do any guys actually use the wiener flap on their underwear or is it just kind of symbolic?

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) August 9, 2011

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11.

Who wants a body massage?

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) November 21, 2013

12.

OMG, is "Nickleback" a play on "quarterback"?

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) June 24, 2010

13.

Was out of body wash today so I used tea tree oil shampoo instead and it tingled my private parts.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) April 28, 2011

14.

Helping people procrastinate since 1994.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) January 7, 2011

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15.

Exhausted from eating my breakfast so I'm going back to bed.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) September 5, 2010

16.

Can you please respond to my snapchats?

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) April 14, 2014

17.

I hate it when my nipples get erect.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) June 6, 2010

18.

No offense, but u r really hot.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) September 23, 2010

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19.

Do trees ever get tired?

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) June 10, 2010

20.

We're all just trying to attract each other.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) September 16, 2013

21.

You can't be brave unless you're scared.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) October 17, 2010

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22.

Aren't grapes "grapefruit"?

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) May 3, 2011

23.

Are you the lead singer of Weezer?

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) December 10, 2013

24.

We could do good things together.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) June 15, 2011

25.

Donut disturb.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) December 6, 2013

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26.

I wonder if I'll die with my glasses on.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) July 1, 2011

27.

Met a guy named "Brooks" the other day and was bummed that he didn't seem excited when I told him my name was "Rivers."

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) May 4, 2011

28.

You're prettier than you think you are.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) September 25, 2011

29.

I need somebody to rub my sartorius muscle.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) May 22, 2011

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30.

I've never seen a bird's penis.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) July 27, 2011

31.

Does anyone want anything from Starbucks?

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) February 10, 2014

32.

Does anyone love anyone as much as I love you?

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) October 5, 2010

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33.

Everyone you see is made entirely out of what they ate.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) July 6, 2011

34.

when I take an ice bath, I pouch my privates with a washcloth so as to minimize the unpleasantness.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) May 15, 2011

35.

Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) April 1, 2011

36.

Get fresh with me.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) May 11, 2011

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37.

I've been really productive today in terms of mucus.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) December 21, 2013

38.

How's your toilet posture?

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) April 26, 2011

39.

I'm good looking.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) May 24, 2011

40.

Peanut butter and KY jelly.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) September 1, 2013

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41.

Defeated by my own technology.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) August 17, 2010

42.

I wish we could just make out.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) May 4, 2011

43.

I don't know about the rest of ya'll, but I've got a drawer full of dead mice.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) September 5, 2013

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44.

Pizza.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) October 8, 2011

45.

If I die, will you still follow me?

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) August 17, 2011

46.

Feel like my nipples are getting more prominent.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) July 4, 2011

47.

That was some dope snack mix.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) May 30, 2011

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48.

Let's make our lives nice.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) May 14, 2011

49.

I appreciate your feedback on my pants.

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) September 21, 2013

50.

Whenever I get confused about which way I should go next, I just ask myself, "What would Rivers Cuomo do?"

— Rivers Cuomo (@RiversCuomo) September 6, 2010

All photos taken by me on 9/12/14 @ Vina Robles Amphitheatre in Paso Robles, CA. All tweets by Rivers Cuomo. Rivers, can you please respond to my snapchats?

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