You remember the old Lumière from the original animated Beauty and the Beast?
Surprisingly attractive candlestick with a sexy French accent?
The guy who gave a generation of children confusing feelings about being strangely attracted to an inanimate object? You remember him.
But then 2017 came along with its live-action Beauty and the Beast remake, and I'm sorry but who the fuck is this guy?
Just no.
This is not Lumière. What have they done with Lumière?
The Lumière we knew and loved has been replaced by a weird metallic imposter.
The old Lumière – the real Lumière – had a super expressive face. That was, like, his whole thing! It's what made him so charming and funny.
The new Lumière's face BARELY MOVES.
It's like because he's meant to be made of metal, they decided he should have an accurately limited range of facial expressions.
But the main issue is that I don't fancy the new Lumière.
A boring brass candlestick.
I mean, OK, he's kind of cute when he turns into Ewan McGregor at the end.
For 99% of the time, live-action Lumière is very candlesticky and not attractive, and it nearly ruined the film.
Nearly – but NOT! Because the new film is amazing, and you have to go and see it.
You're probably better off channeling that energy into the Beast.
