27 Things That Are Too Real For People With Terrible Posture
Hunchback in training.
Having good posture seems to come naturally to about 95% of the general population.
But for a sad, unfortunate few standing poker straight is but a distant dream.
And it's bloody annoying.
Whether it's from sitting in a chair all day...
Or craning your head over a phone or laptop...
You're definitely one of the shit ones on the posture chart.
Shlumping along in the shadow of those blessed with a lovely straight back.
You know that shlumping isn't a good look.
It brings all sorts of attractive bonuses like a "thick midsection" and a "belly pooch".
You know that good posture is the difference between an elegant body and a flumpy, dumpy, shlumpy body.
But even though you would love dearly to stand tall and proud.
You just ~can't~.
Sometimes, when you think you're standing nice and straight, you catch sight of yourself and realise you're just ~not~.
There are people you kinda hate, like lovely Gisele with her beautiful swan neck.
There are people you kinda resent, like lovely Naomi and her beautiful neck.
And toddlers, who aren't yet weighed down by body issues and gravity.
And there's nothing worse than a colleague with poker-straight desk posture.
Every so often you're given a "desk assesment" where some random office chair specialist tells you to imagine a string coming out the top of your head or something.
But no matter how good your intentions are, or how supportive your chair, shlumping is your default position.
You go through phases of being really commited to weird yoga moves that will give you a lovely long neck like a supermodel.
Every now and then you'll do, like, 10 sit-ups in search of that elusive "core strength".
You often find yourself surreptitiously checking how bad your posture is in the nearest reflective surface.
You have considered just about everything that might keep you from slumping.
And have probably even done a covert Amazon search that turned up all sorts of hideous posture correctors.
You've lost count of the number of physios and osteopaths you've seen when your hunchy-back inevitably starts to ache.
But the time has come to stop feeling bad about your shlumpy posture.
Because some of life's most terrible shlumpers also happen to be pretty damn cute.
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