1. Contrary to popular belief, Britain is home to some of the most dangerous animals in the world.
2. They're ruthless and out of control.
3. Operating with mafioso tactics.
4. Most of them are larger than average. Some would say "GIANT".
5. GIANT animals are a big problem for us a nation.
6. Some animals are completely unique to this strange and frightening island.
7. We build castles, but they provide scant defense against invaders.
8. Birds in general are feared for their incessant marauding.
9. It's not uncommon for entire cities to go into lockdown during an invasion.
10. Councils issue curfews when things get really bad.
11. Local people are driven to drastic measures to defend themselves.
12. It's not uncommon for the elderly to be armed to the teeth.
13. Brave men fight back.
14. But sometimes the animals just brawl among themselves.
It is ALL KICKING OFF in Devon
15. Most of our wildlife has a drinking problem.
16. And a drug problem.
17. And let's not get started on the state of our squirrels – those little guys are malevolence incarnate.
18. Wreaking havoc wherever they roam.
19. Our farm animals are raging.
20. Raging and rampaging.
21. Even our kittens are evil.
22. Families live in terror at the possibility of enduring a "maggot nightmare".
23. Our seagulls are deeply, deeply petty.
24. And all our swans are racist.
