9 People You Get At Every British Festival

A lot of grown men in onesies.

1. The onesie mafia

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OOOaahhh!! Here come the lads. We're just having a laugh. Cam's dressed as a fucking bunny, fancy a piece, ladies?! Watch out, we're all mad! OOOaahhh!!

2. The person doing drugs for the first time

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Look at her eyes! She’ll be in the medical tent (nothing serious, just lots of sick) before the night’s out.

3. The grown-up lady in fairy wings

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And why not?

4. This guy

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He literally spends three days asleep in the mud, surrounded by empty cans, covered in graffiti. Who is he? Does he have friends? What will become of him once Monday rolls round?

5. Shoulder girl

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There she is in her perfect little floral crown, doing untold damage to her boyfriends lumbar region, spoiling everyone’s view, and kicking some poor bastard in the back with her muddy wellies.

6. The couple that met here, married here, and come every year

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They're adorable and do sterling work shifting the average age of the festival well into the 30s.

7. The ones that brought their kids

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It takes serious commitment to pull Hester and Tallulah through the mud in their cart, so well done.

8. The mystical man in a top hat who’s full of strange wisdom

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You have such a wonderful time together, lost in a wood somewhere, staring at the amazing tree. He reveals some of the secrets of the universe, you hug, you love each other. The next day, he’s still there but it’s daylight and suddenly you can see how rotten his teeth are, and on reflection he’s a bit depressing.

9. The celebrity

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OHMYGODDIDYOUSEE??!?!?!?!!!! That’s definitely thingy from Made in Chelsea!! There! In the wellies. Oh, she’s gone in the VIP area. Never mind.