If The Daily Mail Wrote About Disney Princesses The Way It Writes About Actual Women
There'd be a shitload of pregnancy rumours.
If the Daily Mail wrote about Disney princesses the way it writes about actual female celebrities, it would spend a lot of time "celebrating" their bodies like a pervy uncle.
But if they didn't stay a trim size 6, we'd be the first to know about it.
And, of course, they mustn't get too thin either...
They'd write endlessly about the princesses' love lives. We'd know who was single, who was dating, and who was lonely and left on the shelf.
And there'd be lots of speculation about a princess who wasn't looking for a prince.
The princesses' outfits would be a source of much excitement and outrage, especially if they were in any way revealing.
There'd be absolutely no room for fashion mistakes. The style police would weigh in if a Disney princess wore the same dress twice.
And if there was no chance of a pregnancy rumour, there'd be an important article about the tragedy of a princess putting her career before motherhood.
Any Disney princess who wasn't suitably feminine would raise eyebrows.
The older Disney princesses would have it hardest of all. It would be front-page news if they had any work done...
And front page news if they didn't.
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