1. Blocking the drain with “hair rats”.
2. Not pulling out the rat even though it’s definitely yours, not your short-haired housemate’s.
3. Leaving great swirls of your hair all over the shower tiles.
4. Washing your hair in the bath and leaving it full of drifting strands.
5. Shaving in the bath, letting the water out, and the bath looking like it’s grown a hairy coat for winter.
6. Not rinsing out the bath after shaving in it.
7. Lending someone your jumper and noticing it’s got your long hairs stuck all around the shoulders and down the back.
8. A long, dark hair emerging from the lasagne you just made, which could only be yours.
9. A long, dark hair emerging from some food that someone else made, but it’s probably still yours because those things get bloody everywhere.
10. The bedroom carpet being coated in your hair.
11. Saying you’ll just have a quick shower to wash your hair before going out, in the full knowledge that a quick shower to wash your hair is an oxymoron because it takes you a minimum of 30 minutes to lather, rinse, lather again, rinse again, condition, and comb out the tangles.
12. Being an hour late to a party because it took an hour longer than you anticipated to dry your hair.
13. The fact that it always takes you an hour longer than you anticipated to dry your hair, but you never learn – you’re always taken by surprise by how relentlessly damp it is in there.
14. Knackering a hairbrush’s bristles because they were too soft for your waves.
15. Literally snapping a hairbrush in two trying to brush your hair.
16. Snapping the teeth off a comb when they catch on a particularly tough tangle.
17. Losing things in your hair because it’s that dense.
18. Working through several hair ties a week after they inevitably snap trying to do a second loop round your ponytail.
19. Asking to borrow someone’s hair tie, and giving it back to them about three times bigger and lacking all elasticity.
20. Losing all your hair grips, sometimes in your hair, sometimes just into thin air.
21. Finishing the shampoo again.
22. Finishing the conditioner again.
23. Washing your hair at someone else’s house and needing to use half a bottle of their fancy-pants shampoo.
24. Borrowing your boyfriend’s manly razor to shave your legs (even though you know that’s extremely unhygienic and a bad idea) and blunting it.
25. Trimming your pubes and forgetting to sweep up the little pile of hair on the bathroom floor.
26. Scratching your ingrown hairs in public because they’re just so goddam itchy.