1.Welcome to Cornwall: the ugly-ass foot of the United Kingdom. Nothing amazing happens here. Nothing at all.
2.There's a lot of water. Water is ugly.
3.There are a lot of rocks. Rocks are ugly.
4.Oh man, and the weather. There's so much bloody weather. Dramatic clouds, wind, sunshine, storms. Just, ugh.
5.And not forgetting the completely repellent crystal-clear water and lush flora, too.
6.Jesus Christ, it's a dump.
7.Just rock, and sea, and boring, boring sky.
8.Oosh. There's that weather again. You can really get a feel for how bland and unimpressive the countryside is, too.
9.Seriously, never, ever go to Cornwall. Your eyes will thank you.
10.It really is grim.
11.Oh god, also, there's this, like, "magical" castle on a rock in the sea that's about as attractive and inspiring as an NCP car park.
12.Be prepared: There are a lot of bollock-ugly expanses of sunset-drenched beach.
13.And a ton of these sort of higgledy-piggledy towns that tumble down to the sea. Pig ugly, tbh.
14.Not to mention the viaducts, which are about as aesthetically pleasing as the M25.
15.The woodlands are just as bad. Shield your eyes!
16.Dramatic, rolling mist adds literally nothing to a seascape.
17.There really is A LOT of boring-as-buggery sand to contend with.
18.If you're into rubbish old shipwrecks then go for it – you'll probably have a GREAT time in Cornwall.
19.Here's a really gross harbour.
20.And another one.
21.Endless fucking harbours full of colourful fucking boats.
22.Oh shit, and there's this "fairy glen", which is about as magical as a Tesco Metro but with less milk, and therefore less useful.
23.Just your run-of-the-mill daffodil field with a couple of almighty clay mountains in the background, nothing to see here.
24.This is typical Cornwall: a crummy old ruined mine on a windswept moor with a couple of wild ponies. Your heart would stir more in Croydon town centre.
25.More butt-fugly sky stretching to infinity. Who wants this shit?
26.Yup, Cornwall's a shithole. Don't say you weren't warned.
