1. Welcome to Cornwall: the ugly-ass foot of the United Kingdom. Nothing amazing happens here. Nothing at all. Flickr: photomarv57 Bude breakwater. 2. There's a lot of water. Water is ugly. Flickr: tfpc Surfer at Porthcurno. 3. There are a lot of rocks. Rocks are ugly. Flickr: tonyarmstrong Porth Nanven. 4. Oh man, and the weather. There's so much bloody weather. Dramatic clouds, wind, sunshine, storms. Just, ugh. Flickr: tonyarmstrong Godrevy Lighthouse. 5. And not forgetting the completely repellent crystal-clear water and lush flora, too. Flickr: tomtolkien The Gannel estuary, Crantock, near Newquay. 6. Jesus Christ, it's a dump. Flickr: tomtolkien Near St Anthony Head, Roseland Peninsula. 7. Just rock, and sea, and boring, boring sky. Flickr: giuseppemilo Land's End. 8. Oosh. There's that weather again. You can really get a feel for how bland and unimpressive the countryside is, too. Flickr: andreasoverland 9. Seriously, never, ever go to Cornwall. Your eyes will thank you. Flickr: neilsingapore Boscastle Harbour. 10. It really is grim. Flickr: 50144889@N08 Lantic Bay. 11. Oh god, also, there's this, like, "magical" castle on a rock in the sea that's about as attractive and inspiring as an NCP car park. Flickr: tonyarmstrong St Michael's Mount. 12. Be prepared: There are a lot of bollock-ugly expanses of sunset-drenched beach. Flickr: photomarv57 Bude beach. 13. And a ton of these sort of higgledy-piggledy towns that tumble down to the sea. Pig ugly, tbh. Flickr: 50144889@N08 Looe. 14. Not to mention the viaducts, which are about as aesthetically pleasing as the M25. Flickr: 50144889@N08 Viaduct over the River Tiddy, St Germans. 15. The woodlands are just as bad. Shield your eyes! Flickr: photomarv57 Bluebell woods on Stamford Hill in Stratton, Cornwall. 16. Dramatic, rolling mist adds literally nothing to a seascape. Flickr: simpologist Black Rock. 17. There really is A LOT of boring-as-buggery sand to contend with. Flickr: paulwalter Isles of Scilly. 18. If you're into rubbish old shipwrecks then go for it – you'll probably have a GREAT time in Cornwall. Flickr: soulblending The wreck of SV Carl at Booby's Bay. 19. Here's a really gross harbour. Flickr: neilsingapore Boscastle harbour. 20. And another one. Flickr: nosha Porthleven. 21. Endless fucking harbours full of colourful fucking boats. Flickr: tim27w Mousehole harbour. 22. Oh shit, and there's this "fairy glen", which is about as magical as a Tesco Metro but with less milk, and therefore less useful. Flickr: mr_mo-fo Fairy stacks at St Nectan's Kieve. 23. Just your run-of-the-mill daffodil field with a couple of almighty clay mountains in the background, nothing to see here. Flickr: darrenshilson Near St Columb Major. 24. This is typical Cornwall: a crummy old ruined mine on a windswept moor with a couple of wild ponies. Your heart would stir more in Croydon town centre. Flickr: andyangst Bodmin Moor. 25. More butt-fugly sky stretching to infinity. Who wants this shit? Flickr: fadangalini1 Kit Hill. 26. Yup, Cornwall's a shithole. Don't say you weren't warned. Flickr: photomarv57 Bude breakwater.