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18 Beautiful Baby Names That Would Scar Your Child For Life

Such a shame these are off-limits.

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1.

The way it rolls of the tongue. Chlamydia. Chlaa-myd-ee-aaaa. So pretty, but a really nasty STD as well, which pretty much rules it out.
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The way it rolls of the tongue. Chlamydia. Chlaa-myd-ee-aaaa. So pretty, but a really nasty STD as well, which pretty much rules it out.

2.

It's so elegant, so grand, almost Shakespearean. Romeo's two best friends: Mercutio and Fellatio. Maybe in the far-distant future asexual robots can call their son this.
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It's so elegant, so grand, almost Shakespearean. Romeo's two best friends: Mercutio and Fellatio. Maybe in the far-distant future asexual robots can call their son this.

3.

Aw, lil' Quim. Such a cute name for your hipster son. Also a vulgar term for the vagina, but whatevs.
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Aw, lil' Quim. Such a cute name for your hipster son. Also a vulgar term for the vagina, but whatevs.

4.

It's like a mix of Virginia and Regina. Beautiful.
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It's like a mix of Virginia and Regina. Beautiful.

5.

Wasn't she one of the daughters of King Lear?
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Wasn't she one of the daughters of King Lear?

6.

Your daugher Hernia would be strong and self-posessed. She would be one of those cool people that sets trends, a natural born leader.
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Your daugher Hernia would be strong and self-posessed. She would be one of those cool people that sets trends, a natural born leader.

7.

Another lovely name for a girl. Except for the whole weeping sores, holes-in-the-brain, sexually transmitted infection thing.
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Another lovely name for a girl. Except for the whole weeping sores, holes-in-the-brain, sexually transmitted infection thing.

8.

Your three beautiful daughters, Trinity, Chastity, and Puberty.
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Your three beautiful daughters, Trinity, Chastity, and Puberty.

9.

A modern reimagining of Chad.
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A modern reimagining of Chad.

10.

Just a cool name with bags of attitude.
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Just a cool name with bags of attitude.

11.

A classic-sounding name for your son. Perfect for fans of the name Simon who want something a little different.
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A classic-sounding name for your son. Perfect for fans of the name Simon who want something a little different.

12.

Gorgeous. Actually comes from the Hawaiian for "heavenly flower".
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Gorgeous. Actually comes from the Hawaiian for "heavenly flower".

13.

Just so strong and beautiful.
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Just so strong and beautiful.

14.

Adorable for a boy, if it wasn't British slang for a penis.
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Adorable for a boy, if it wasn't British slang for a penis.

15.

You can imagine this working for boys and girls. Sounds like the hero of a Greek myth.
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You can imagine this working for boys and girls. Sounds like the hero of a Greek myth.

16.

Lydia and Labia, your sweet twins.
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Lydia and Labia, your sweet twins.

17.

A bit like Amos, but bummier.
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A bit like Amos, but bummier.

18.

She could be called Gen or Genny for short.
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She could be called Gen or Genny for short.

H/T Christina Kenny and Simon Brooke