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    Jul 19, 2013

    21 Reasons Mario Is Your Dream Man

    You've spent so much time looking for the perfect man, but he was there all along.

    by ,

    1. First and foremost, Mario is single.

    2. He's got SEVERAL steady, well-paying jobs.

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    He's a doctor.

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    He's a plumber. (They make GREAT money.)

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    He even owns his own cement factory.

    3. He's pretty handy around the house.

    4. He's a celebrated athlete in several different sports.

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    He's a world-class pro golfer.

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    He's a fierce tennis pro.

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    He's an amazing soccer player.

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    He's an all-star baseball player.

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    He's a basketball phenomenon.

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    And he's an unbeatable kart racer. (Is that a sport?)

    5. He's in worryingly good shape.

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    I can't go up, like, 10 stairs without getting winded. Mario can SPRINT up stairs all day.

    6. In fact, he's medaled in multiple sports at the Olympics.

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    7. Despite all that, he's still a bad boy.

    8. He's capable of profound, personal growth.

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    9. He's multi-lingual.

    10. He's a killer on the dance floor.

    View this video on YouTube

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    They even named a dance after him!

    11. He comes from wealth and class.

    His brother owns his own mansion! It's a bit of a fixer-upper, but still... property owner.

    12. And Mario isn't doing too bad for himself either.

    13. He's great with animals.

    14. He is rigorously fair-minded and judicious.

    15. He's into Haute Couture...

    16. ...and will even buy you the latest in fur fashion.

    17. Mario is a Renaissance man. He's a gifted musician...

    18. ...a talented artist...

    19. ...an accomplished stage actor...

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    (If you pay attention, you'll realize that Super Mario Bros. 3 is all actually just an elaborate stage show.)

    20. ...and he also made the rare, successful transition from TV to film.

    I'm seeing a future EGOT winner.

    21. He's an accomplished typist?

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