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31 Photos That, Despite Their Best Efforts, Are Not Of Penises

*Technically* safe for work.

1. Technically, this is just a really thick sweet potato, and not a penis.

2. Technically, this is just a cut on someone's thumb, and not a penis.

3. Technically, this is a starfish of some sort, and not five connected penises.

4. Technically, this is a baby's foot, and not a penis.

5. Also a baby's foot, technically.

6. Technically a child's arm, not a penis.

7. Technically a dog's ear, not a penis.

8. Technically this is the man's head, not his penis.

9. Technically, this is a massage chair, not a penis.

10. Technically, this is just a glob of makeup, not a penis.

11. Technically speaking, that's her foot, not a penis.

12. Technically, the shadow is of two angel hands touching, not of two penis tips gently touching.

13. Technically, this figure is meant to be holding a baby, not its own monster dong.

14. Technically, this is a cucumber, not a penis.

15. Technically an inside-out sock. (Not a penis.)

16. Technically, this print is meant to depict the Leaning Tower of Pisa, not a penis.

17. Technically, this is a stalagmite, not some kind of cave boner.

18. Technically a snowblower, not an ejaculating penis.


19. Technically just two mushrooms. No penises.

20. Technically, that's the thumb of the person in white, and not the penis of the person in blue.

21. Technically, this is just a potato, not a penis.

22. Technically she's using a mortar and pestle. She's not masturbating into a bowl.

23. Technically, this is an ad for something called the Simmons Hall of Science...though, to be honest, I'm dubious.

24. Technically, this is just some sort of small outgrowth on a potato, and not a small potato penis. As far as I know, potatoes do not have penises.

25. Technically, this is someone's hat, not a penis.

26. Technically, this is just a small, misshapen strawberry. (Not a penis, technically.)

27. Technically, this egg just cracked while boiling. It is not sexually aroused.

28. Technically, this is just a beach umbrella and the contrail of a passing jet, not an ejaculating penis.

29. Technically just a puppy. Not a penis.

30. Technically speaking, the stroke across the "H" of "Harvest" is being depicted as a stalk of wheat, which just happens to end right at the tip of a baguette. This is not meant to depict an ejaculating penis, as far as we can tell.

31. Technically, this squirrel has a piece of food, not an erection.