How To Get Busted Selling Dope

Everyone wants to be a pro athlete, entertainer, or drug dealer when they grow up. The first two options aren't very realistic.

Jails are full of idiots. Remember that.

Discretion is the better part of valor.

Stay high. All the time. Smell like weed constantly. Adopt the heavy-lidded stance of someone who clearly doesn't give a damn.

Humility is an option.

Be high profile. You make big money, flaunt it. Nice cars, expensive clothes, advanced electronics. You're a baller. Rub their noses in it.

On being low-key.

Get lots of tattoos, primarily gang affiliations and pot leaves. Commitment to a bit.

Three can keep a secret when two are dead.

Talk loudly about your operation to anyone and everyone who will listen. Conduct deals in public on a cell phone registered in your name.

Castle doctrine.

Sell from your home. What good is all of your wealth if you can't make others envious?

Interpersonal relationships.

Bang a different person every week. If they don't like it, throw them out and get a new one. Feelings are for punks.

A refined value system.

Money uber alles. It's all about dead presidents. No slack, no breaks, no discounts, no family, no "friend prices". Cash on the barrelhead.

Don't forget to write.

Keep lots of money for lawyers, bail and commissary. You'll need it...