back to top
Community

Why Your Girl Hates Your Beard (and How To Change Her Mind)

Beards were popular for years. Like a billion years. Then they weren't. Why? Dudes forgot how to take care of them. Neglected beards aren't good for anyone. No one likes them. But if you take care of your mane right, she won't just stop hating it - she'll love it.

Posted on

1. It's Dry and Itchy

Agrorabbit / Via agrorabbit.com

Beard hair is notoriously dry and coarse. It sucks the moisture straight out of your face. So now your face is itchy, you're scratching it like a werewolf on the verge of a shapeshift, and you've got face flakes snowing down from your chin constantly. Add to this the fact that every time she tries to kiss your nasty dried out husk of a face, it feels like a brillo pad.

Are you starting to get why this might suck for everyone involved?

The Solution: Beard oil is a moisturizing tonic that restores moisture to your face. That elminates the itch and the dandruff. It also softens up your face fur, taking you from steel wool to soft comfy pillow. She'll be much happier with that.

2. It's Wild

Monkeys and Pirates / Via monkeysandpirates.com

Beard hair has a tendncy to grow like a weed. That is to say, sometimes kinda fast, and usually all over the damn place. That's not hot. Most ladies like their man to have a little bit of wildness in him - there's a sort of primal appeal to a man who looks like he could plug a mammoth with a spear. But they don't like neanderthal grooming standards.

The Solution: Beard Balm (also sometimes called beard butter) is like a pomade for your beard. It's got beeswax and natural oils, and keeps that wild mane tamed. It calms the fly aways, keeps things in order, and generally staves off the caveman appearance a beard cane sometimes bring.

It's also a good idea to brush that thing out using a boar bristle brush. These brushes have the added benefit of distributing oils, and helping to keep your beard oil and balm evenly distributed in your beard.

3. It's Dirty

The Bro Journey / Via thebrojourney.com

Beards are made of hair. Just like the stuff on your head. Unless you're bald. And you wash that stuff because it gets dirty, right? So why wouldn't you do the same to the hair on your face? Just like regular hair, it gets grimy, nasty, and can even start to smell. You think your lady digs that? No. She's going to want beard stink as far from her as possible.

The Solution: Beard shampoos exist that will clean your beard up without stripping the moisture out of them (which is a problem with regular shampoos and soaps). They're moisturizing, so like beard oil they can help with the dryness and itchiness that beards like to stick you with.

4. Your Stache Is In the Way

OMG Top Lists / Via omgtoplists.com

Your mustache might look kinda cool, but it's not exactly making you more kissable. As soon as a lady comes in for a liplock and gets a face full of fur, she's going to be turned off of the facial hair thing.

The Solution: Men have been using Mustache Wax for like a trillion years. The old beeswax and vasoline recipe has mostly been replaced these days by more natural solutions such as beeswax and coconut oil, lanolin, or even pine sap. A mustache wax with a good firm hold will keep the hair off of your lips and make kissing you easy again. Plus, you can style it all cool and look awesome.