1. When he didn't know what planet he was on whilst conversing in a hallway with Sharon, his wife.
2. When the phone rang and he didn't know what the fuck the sound was.
3. When he gave sound advice to his daughter, Kelly, about her "vagina doctor" ringing her cellular.
4. When he spent time trying to work a remote and got fuckin' NASA involved.
5. When he couldn't figure out what the proper term for "attention span" was, and then gave up shortly thereafter.
6. When he became increasingly paranoid and didn't know who or what was happening around him.
7. When he, again, didn't know where he was, who was around him, what was happening, or when it was taking place.
8. When Sharon tempted him to try a new type of gum, but he hated it, so he reacted the way any levelheaded person would: he thanked her and called her a cunt.
9. When he told somebody sitting at the table not to start singing because their voice will be the demise of the fucking bird species.
10. When his aspirations as a child were simply to unclog toilets, but he ended up chewing off a bat's ear and starring in a reality television show.
11. When he thought he'd seen it all, then he realized he hadn't.
12. When a blue pop-up appeared on his television screen and he asked what the fuck that shit was.
13. When he told his son, Jack, that their remote control could give him a fucking blow job.
14. When he didn't know what the fuck he was talking about at the dinner table.
15. When he thought you could feed a fucking tree by placing a ham sandwich next to its trunk.
16. When he heavily sighed in his kitchen.
17. When he told somebody to fuck off.
18. When he sarcastically thanked Sharon and he, yet again, called her a cunt in the middle of her hair and makeup routine.
19. When the Pacific Ocean bothered him, so he called it a fucking asshole ocean.
20. When he went to bed and told his entire family to fuck off.
