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I Morphed Into Kris Jenner For A Day And Here's What Happened

The momager is in.

My co-workers decided to test out the Kylie Jenner hair extensions, but because of my hair color, I was not a match for the Kylie extensions.

I have balayage highlights, which don't mix well with any of the color options on the Bellami Kylie Kouture hair.
Lauren Zaser / Via BuzzFeed Life

I have balayage highlights, which don't mix well with any of the color options on the Bellami Kylie Kouture hair.

So, I decided to take the approach of a different Jenner: Kris.

Alberto E. Rodriguez / Via Getty Images

First up, wardrobe. Kris is known for wearing long-sleeved dresses in either black or white, or a combination of the two.

Chelsea Lauren / Getty Images
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Valerie Macon / Getty Images

It's the uniform of a woman of a certain age who knows exactly how to cover her past-their-prime arms, belly, and upper thighs.

Next, makeup. Her look is the love child of a mob wife and a daytime talk show host. She makes it work.

Plus, her accessories of choice are stud earrings and hands so perfectly manicured that she has to hire someone else to type out emails on her Blackberry.
Valerie Macon / Via Getty Images

Plus, her accessories of choice are stud earrings and hands so perfectly manicured that she has to hire someone else to type out emails on her Blackberry.

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I put on a set of long, red talons and had a professional give me signature Kris Jenner makeup. Then I got to work on my hair.

First, I had to slick everything back. This was not the time for flyaways.

I'm estimating about one-quarter of a bottle of hairspray was used.
Lauren Zaser / Via BuzzFeed Life

I'm estimating about one-quarter of a bottle of hairspray was used.

Next I had to tuck all of that length into the tightest bun I could make.

My new identity couldn't be clouded by my stupid, plain-person hair.
Lauren Zaser / Via BuzzFeed Life

My new identity couldn't be clouded by my stupid, plain-person hair.

Wig-cap time. This thing is like Spanx for your scalp.

I'm pretty sure I sweated through this cap in about two minutes flat. It felt a lot like being suffocated by Satan's hot breath. (Or, you know, what I imagine Satan's hot breath would feel like.)
Lauren Zaser / Via BuzzFeed Life

I'm pretty sure I sweated through this cap in about two minutes flat. It felt a lot like being suffocated by Satan's hot breath. (Or, you know, what I imagine Satan's hot breath would feel like.)

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Wig time! As I put it on, all of my dreams of wanting to be a spokeswoman for incontinence pads were feeling like a reality.

Is this how Kris feels every morning?
Lauren Zaser / Via BuzzFeed Life

Is this how Kris feels every morning?

I became a full-on momager! My entire existence had been leading up to this moment.

I knew I could set everybody up for the rest of their lives.
Lauren Zaser / Via BuzzFeed Life

I knew I could set everybody up for the rest of their lives.

Welcome to my fabulous home in Calabasas! Can my servant get anybody a drink?

Lauren Zaser / Via BuzzFeed Life

Look! I birthed the most beautiful woman on Earth from my own vagina. I did that!

Kim is my proudest accomplishment.
Lauren Zaser / Via BuzzFeed

Kim is my proudest accomplishment.

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Hey, girls! I'm here for the party too!

My daughters are like my very own real-life dolls.
Lauren Zaser / Via BuzzFeed Life

My daughters are like my very own real-life dolls.

My children* are my world.

Lauren Zaser / Via BuzzFeed Life

*Fake children for the day.

Hairstylist: Bukky Ojeifo

Makeup Artist: Maya Calhoun

Nails: KISS Nails, provided to BuzzFeed Life free of charge

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