My co-workers decided to test out the Kylie Jenner hair extensions, but because of my hair color, I was not a match for the Kylie extensions.
So, I decided to take the approach of a different Jenner: Kris.
First up, wardrobe. Kris is known for wearing long-sleeved dresses in either black or white, or a combination of the two.
It's the uniform of a woman of a certain age who knows exactly how to cover her past-their-prime arms, belly, and upper thighs.
Next, makeup. Her look is the love child of a mob wife and a daytime talk show host. She makes it work.
I put on a set of long, red talons and had a professional give me signature Kris Jenner makeup. Then I got to work on my hair.
First, I had to slick everything back. This was not the time for flyaways.
Next I had to tuck all of that length into the tightest bun I could make.
Wig-cap time. This thing is like Spanx for your scalp.
Wig time! As I put it on, all of my dreams of wanting to be a spokeswoman for incontinence pads were feeling like a reality.
I became a full-on momager! My entire existence had been leading up to this moment.
Welcome to my fabulous home in Calabasas! Can my servant get anybody a drink?
Look! I birthed the most beautiful woman on Earth from my own vagina. I did that!
Hey, girls! I'm here for the party too!
My children* are my world.
Hairstylist: Bukky Ojeifo
Makeup Artist: Maya Calhoun
Nails: KISS Nails, provided to BuzzFeed Life free of charge