Christmas and Hannukah are over, but you've still got those awful presents.
We all have cousins, friends and weird neighbors who have undoubtedly unloaded some terrible gifts this holiday season. Maybe they're regifting, maybe they just needed something quick and this was at the gas station, maybe they've known you for twenty-two years, but never really took the time to figure out your likes and dislikes and really only talks about herself *cough* BECKY *cough*. No matter the reason, there were surely some duds in your holiday haul, here are 5 gifts you can return, no hard feelings.
Starbucks Holiday Compilation CD
Okay. Clearly a panic move. Someone was in a Starbucks and then was like, "Oh crap. I'm seeing Augie in an hour... What does he like? ... CDs?" Sure. I liked CDs. In 1996! When Blues Traveler was still a thing! What does Starbucks know about cultivating a good mix? It takes time! I'll return this for a Pumpkin Spiced Latte, thank you very much... Oh no way, Lady Antebellum singing "We Three Kings"? That might be kinda dope.
Clear Jar with Oil and Some Kind of Pepper or Something
What is it about this thing that screams "give this to a couple"? I genuinely think they're entirely decorative. Cracking the seal and using in a salad would no doubt prove fatal. I've never been able to wrap my head around why people buy them. Here's the thing though, I'm pretty sure you can only buy these at like Pier 1 Imports which is really hard to find unless you google it, so like... I guess you should just keep this.
Bookend Shaped Like Your Initials
PROS: shaped like my initials.
would be cool to hit burglar over the head with, leaving a mark like in Home Alone
...holds books?
CONS: looks kinda douchey.
who can't remember their own intials?
would probably hit innocent guests over the head with it, thinking they were burglars.
Socks
DAD: Listen here you little twerp. Back in my day we were happy if we got coal on Christmas morning because it would mean we'd have heat that day.
SON: Where did you grow up, North Korea? American dust bowl? Your fifty!
DAD: You should be happy you got socks! When I was growing up, we'd eat our socks! Fiber!
SON: I said thank you!
DAD: Oh, you're welcome. Merry Christmas.
(never say no to socks)
Best Friends Forever Bracelet From Becky
Just when you think she can't be a bigger b*tch, she goes and swipes you off your feet by getting you one of these. The little pieces of the heart meet together and make a whole heart. Like your heart is broken when you're apart. It's amazing, and wonderful, and the best gift I've ever gotten! Like ever! Thank you, Becky!
Plus Becky's dad is like supes rich, so I'm'a pawn this.
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