How To Know If You May Be Greg Brown

Wondering if you're Greg Brown or not? Count how many apply to you.

1. You are Canadian

Born in Canada? Lived in Canada? Know what poutine is?

2. You are not just Canadian, you are very Canadian

Like poutine? Eh?

3. The correct way of saying "sorry" is "soooryyy"

People who say just "sorry" should be sorry

4. You know what a prothwich is

Fries and ice cream wrapped up between two cookies

5. Girl, I invented the prothwich

And only cookies-fries-ice cream. Bacon is filthy.

6. You eat only virgin prothwiches

NO bacon, NO potato chips, NO oatmeal raisin cookies, IT'S JUST COOKIES-FRIES-ICE CREAM

7. You make a lot of lists

Like this one

8. You laugh like a small child

A very, very odd small child. Man-child.

9. You talk about existentialism on long van drives

Actually, any drive. Long, short, it always leaves time for quantum physics and asking what is the meaning of life.

10. You use the word "ratchet"

11. As in the building tool

12. And then ask how it's spelled

R-A-T-C-H-E-T

13. You schedule meetings that everyone forgets about

10:30? Two days ago?

14. But you're chill with it

15. And this picture of you exists

16. You make people shorten their work

303 words. Now one sentence. Now one word.

17. You have 5 minutes

Are you done yet?

18. No?

Five more minutes

19. You know the meaning of Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo

"Buffalo bison that other Buffalo bison bully, themselves bully Buffalo bison."

20. You teach fiction at YWW

Where your students write stories and start a cult

21. You do not know about the cult

22. But you're an awesome teacher who's opened a new world of fiction to thirteen young writers

You challenge us, push our writing to the limits and have made this three weeks possible. You're a great teacher, friend, man-child, existentialist, Canadian citizen, and to top it all, dramatic list writer. Thanks, Greg!