13 Ways Shaq Makes Us All Look Bad

Now The Big Aristotle can get a real job.


NBA great Shaquille O’Neal received his doctoral degree in education from Miami’s Barry University on Saturday. The 40-year-old had spent the past 4 1/2 years working towards his doctoral degree in organizational learning and leadership with a specialization in human resource development.The title of O’Neal’s doctoral capstone project was “The Duality of Humor and Seriousness in Leadership Styles.”

Don’t you say, “Aww that’s good for Shaq. I hope he continues to do well.”

Shaq has been sticking your head under water for years.


In 2000, The Diesel made good on a promise to his mother by going back to college and earning his bachelor of arts in general studies from LSU.

Didn’t you start writing a screenplay a year ago? Oh, you’ve been meaning to get back to it?


The Big Executive earned an MBA online through the University of Phoenix in 2005.

You could always cut down on your StumbleUpon hours…


On March 2, 2005, The Shaqtus was given an honorary U.S. Deputy Marshal title; he served an honorary role on the task force which tracks down sexual predators who target children on the Internet.

Wait, I thought I recognized you. You’re the one who buys beer for all the grade school kids in town.


Beginning in 1993, O’Neal began to compose rap music. He released five studio albums and one compilation album.

You do have that $5.99 Auto-Tune app on your phone. Everybody loves when you use it. You got your money’s worth.


His acting credits include: Blue Chips, Kazaam, Curb Your Enthusiasm, My Wife & Kids, and The Parkers.

You practice your lines before you call in sick. Real pro.


Hobo Master’s music video credits include: 311, P. Diddy, Aaron Carter, and Owl City.

It’s still funny when you sing Sir Mix-a-Lot at the karaoke bar. I’m not lying.


He saved Mike the Tiger from a tree.

Those cruelty to animals commercial really are too much. Between you and me, I change the channel too.


Shaq has been on the cover of seven video games.

So what if I know the exact number of hours you have spent playing XBOX in the last month? Big deal. Stop getting defensive.


The Big Shamrock began training in in boxing, jiu-jitsu, Muay Thai and wrestling in 2000. He hopes to one day have his UFC debut.

At least do a few pushups before you go out wearing that Tapout shirt.


O’Neal has recently dipped into the real estate game in Orlando. His plans involved buying the mortgages of those who had fallen into foreclosure and then selling the homes back to them under more affordable terms.

You reminded your “best friend” four times that he still owes you $20 last week.


The Big Maestro was once the guest conductor for the Boston Pops Orchestra.

I do remember how good you were at Guitar Hero. It was like…you were possessed.


Shaq Daddy won four NBA Championships too.

You have that top shelf stacked with participant trophies. Don’t forget about your JV letterman jacket either pimp.

You haven’t done anything today.

Superman owns us all.

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