19 Totally Genius Ways To Not Piss Off A Pregnant Woman

They're for your own protection.

1. Catch yourself before you tell her how huge she looks.

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Yes, it typically means the baby's growing well. No, it's still not a compliment.

2. But be careful not to call her "small" either.

Danielle / Via Twitter: @Thenailroomuk

You might think it's sweet, but what you're really doing is making her nervous that something's wrong with her baby. And she'll be up all night googling and texting her OB because of it.

3. Please, please don't touch her belly without asking.

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Some exceptions may be made for Daddy, Grandma, or anyone she hashtags #besties, but in general, folks — hands off.

4. And don't mess with her food, unless you seriously want to get cut.

AJ / Via Twitter: @_Jadelady

This goes for partners, friends, chefs, entire restaurant chains, etc. Pregnant women eat, and they do it well! So don't, I repeat, DON'T steal — or judge! — their joy.

5. Don't tell her that she's "glowing" unless you really mean it.

Tiffany Hicks / Via Twitter: @TiffanyMc1002

Some of us definitely glow when we're pregnant. But the rest of us look like total crap during pregnancy, and we know you're just pulling our swollen leg.

6. And hold off on sharing your childbirth horror stories with her until after the baby's born.

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First-time moms are terrified enough, and seasoned moms have probably blocked that part from their memory because, well, pain. Hearing about how you tore from your belly button to your asshole or whatever is probably not the kind of support she needs right now. Kthanksbye!

7. Let her cut in line for the bathroom, because good deeds, guys.

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The extra pressure on her bladder is a total beast and SHE WILL PEE ON HERSELF! So if you see a preggo momma in line, give her the red carpet treatment — the universe will thank you.

8. Only suggest baby names if you are specifically asked to do so.

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We know, you have so many cute ones! But chances are, the pregnant momma already has an idea or wants to wing it, and she doesn't want to have to hurt your feelings by rejecting your leftover baby names.

9. And while we're at it, don't criticize her baby name choice.

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If she shares it with you, and you don't have anything nice to say, zip those lips.

10. Don't guilt-trip her when she complains about her discomfort, pain, swelling, lack of sleep, acne, inability to hang on any longer...etc.

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She knows there are people that can't have children who would love to be in her too-tight shoes, but she's still really freakin' uncomfortable. Not all women enjoy pregnancy, and that's totally OK.

11. Oh, and please don't ask her inappropriate ass questions.

WETv

This one should be a no-brainer, and yet, "Did you do IVF?", "Was it planned?", and "How much weight have you gained?" still somehow make their way out of people's mouths when they see pregnant women. Better to just...not.

12. Don't adjust the thermostat, like ever ever.

mechelleanthony / Via instagram.com

You know damn well she gets hot easily, so for the next nine months or so, grab an extra blanket, some thick socks, and a fur-lined beanie if you have to. But DON'T 👏 TOUCH 👏 THAT 👏 FUCK 👏 ING 👏 THER👏 MO👏 STAT👏.

13. Don't tell her to "sleep now."

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She knows sleep will become rare, and she's trying to sleep now, but there is a SMALL HUMAN wedged inside her ribs who's making sleeping well a little harder than it sounds, so don't rub it in.

14. Never call her "emotional", even if it's true AF.

Paramount Pictures

TBH, she totally knows she's emotional these days. But she still feels the way she feels. And when you say that, she hears "unreasonable, out-of-control, totally bananas, who IS this chick?!"...so skip pointing out the obvious, eh?

15. And for the love of all things holy, go light on the cologne.

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When we're pregnant, our noses are not our friends, and light smells become heavy ones. So be kind, leave that scent behind.

16. Don't give unsolicited baby and/or parenting advice. I'm talking to you, Granny!

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Some women LOVE all the advice they can get. But others want to decide what type of mom they're going to be without intervention. So remember these three words: LET HER ASK!

17. Don't park in the pregnancy spot IF YOU AREN'T PREGNANT!

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Pretty please?

18. Don't even think about calling her "lazy."

E! Entertainment Television

She's genuinely tired 24/7 from, I don't know, GROWING A HUMAN INSIDE OF HER FROM SCRATCH! So cut her some slack, let her put her feet up, and you do the dishes this time.

19. And lastly, try not to go, "You're still pregnant?" when you see her in the end, especially if she's overdue.

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Or she might respond with two words you won't like so much.