1.
Throw away your kids' artwork sooner or later...or, ahem, sooner.
2.
Lie about what your kids are really eating.
3.
Hide your snacks from your kids like, "mine, all mine."
4.
Then totally turn around and sneak their snacks like, "mine, all mine."
5.
Take way too long to "seek" your kids, just to have some me time.
6.
And blame your kids for sights, sounds, and smells that definitely aren't theirs.
7.
Stretch your kid's age to get them free admission to something.
8.
Use your kids as an excuse to get out of something you just plain don't want to do.
9.
Skip words, sentences, or whole freakin' pages in a bedtime story when you're just too tired.
10.
And play the "Santa's watching" card whenever you damn well feel like it.
11.
Throw away or hide an annoying toy and tell them it's lost or broken.
12.
Pretend to be asleep when you're not so that they leave you the hell alone.
13.
Suggest the "quiet game" because you just can't take any more itty-bitty-person chatter.
14.
Let your partner do the disciplining, so you can be the "fun" parent.
15.
And say "maybe" when you know damn well you mean "helllllllll no!"
