We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us what they want people to know about their experiences in interracial relationships, and here are some of their eye-opening perspectives:
1. "I'm a white Canadian, and my husband is a Black South African. People often assume that one of us has assimilated completely to the other one's culture — nope! We are very different in what we eat, what we find funny, and how we interact with family members, but we're still compatible. People don't seem to get that."
2. "When we're out, people never realize we're together, unless we're standing super close and actually touching. It always irritates me when people assume we're not a family."
3. "It's hard to find our love story on TV and in movies. We often see Black families or white families, and it would be nice to have more couples to root for who look like us."
4. "Please stop talking about how beautiful our hypothetical kids would be."
"I'm Black, and I was casually seeing a white guy when we went to a makeup store. When he walked away, the salesperson asked me if we were together, then said our babies would be gorgeous. I awkwardly said, 'Thank you,' and walked away. My children don't need to be mixed to be cute."
5. "I'm a white woman, and my partner is Chinese. The thing that bugs me the most is when I introduce him to someone in my life, like my work colleagues, and they tell me I hadn't mentioned his race. Why should I need to? He shouldn't have to come with a warning!"
6. "Being the white partner in an interracial relationship means having to learn to be a lot more conscious of things you might not have thought about or noticed before."
"For example, we've gone to bars where he's told me quietly that we have to leave, and it's because he was noticing looks or overhearing conversations that I wasn't on the lookout for, but he grew up having to be. I always thought I was acutely aware of racism, but it's astounding how ignorant I really was."
7. "My mom is Afro-Latina, we think my dad is white, and my boyfriend is Asian. I'm taller than my boyfriend by a few inches, and sometimes guys ask me if I want a 'real man.'"
8. "I'm Polish, and my husband is Black African. We are both Muslim, but I reverted to Islam. And the most common assumption is that I changed my religion 'for him' — goodness forbid I actually use my own brain to make a huge life choice."
9. "I'm Mexican-American, and my husband is Chinese, Vietnamese, and White. I love that we get to enjoy so many different cultures and traditions, not to mention all the different types of foods!"
10. "I'm a Black female, and my partner is a white male. Well, my family always assumed we would have trouble understanding each other's struggles and life perspectives, but it's actually just the opposite!"
"Everyday, I learn something new, and it's a great opportunity to celebrate our differences instead of letting them separate us. He loves my kinky hair, and I am always stocked with sunscreen!"
11. "When we're out at a store together, I'll get followed around it and my boyfriend won't."
12. "I'm a Black woman, and my husband is white, and people are so surprised that our marriage is full of compromise and that each person has a say."
"They assume that Black women are rough and dominant, and that we make all the decisions when married to white men."
13. "I'm white, and my boyfriend is Jamaican. You would think we would be in the age where people wouldn't stare. But you'd be surprised how many people — mostly older people — wait until he walks away, and then ask me if I'm 'safe' or 'need help.' I'm in the healthiest relationship of my life. So please don't."
14. "As a white girl with a brown boyfriend, I really fear for his safety around police — I worry that he'll leave the house one day and never come back."
15. "Trying to get your family and friends to understand that your lifestyle is now a combination of multiple cultures is not easy."
16. "What a lot of people don't talk about is that when you're a Black person who dates outside your race, some people try to strip your culture from you, saying you can't be 'pro-Black' if you have a non-Black partner."
"I've been told that I've been brainwashed by the media or that I can’t love my culture because I’m diluting it."
17. "I'm white and my husband is Japanese, and we are constantly learning and teaching each other about our cultures. He helps me learn Japanese, and I teach him American pop culture. But it can be hard sometimes because our cultures' senses of humor are so different — so we created our own sense of humor so we can laugh together."
18. "My family has said blatantly shocking and racist things in front of my Mexican husband, and then followed it up by saying, 'Oh, but you're one of the good ones.' As if that somehow makes the offensive comment better."
19. "I find that 'supportive' racism is even worse than 'regular' racism. Regular racism is easy — if some ignorant, distant cousin comes at me calling me a race traitor, we're done. But supportive racism — like when I put a picture of my wife on my desk at work and someone says, 'I didn't know you were down with the swirrrrl!' — is harder to deal with."
"Or when the black woman who has been my favorite coworker for years pats me on the back and says, 'You like that chocolate, huh?' I know you mean well, but you're making me cringe, so stop."
20. "Everyone assumes we're together because of our kids."
21. "I'm Mexican, and my boyfriend is white. Although I love sharing my culture, language, food, and traditions with him, sometimes I get tired of always being in 'teaching' mode. Sometimes I just want him to understand."
"But he is willing to learn and always has my back!"
—lzrd
22. "I'm a Black girl from the South, and my fiance´'s white family uses me to defend themselves against accusations of racism — as in, 'I'm not racist, my daughter-in-law is Black' — when they are, indeed, racist."
"When I got offended by things they would say, they'd ask me to educate them, but then they wouldn't really listen because they didn't really want to be educated."
23. "My boyfriend and I are able to hold deep conversations about race and social justice — we validate each other's identities and speak up for each other constantly."
24. "My parents were an interracial couple, and so are my partner and I — and people need to know that our marriages are...normal. People always assume we have this wild life and major differences because of how we look, and that's just untrue."
25. "Once a waitress at Denny's told us what adorable children we'd have, and I answered, 'Our cats are adorable, thanks!'"
26. "My fiance´'s mom is Vietnamese, his dad is white, and his grandparents survived the Holocaust. He and I come from very different backgrounds, but I'm so grateful every day that he's shown me not only his background, traditions, and cultures, but those of others, too! I'm a better person because of it."
27. "I'm a white woman whose husband is Arab, and acceptance from both sides of our families was difficult. I didn't even meet his family until five years into our relationship! And while my parents were quick to accept him, they had to unlearn a lot of the racism they grew up with."
"When we travelled to certain places, we made sure to put my name on the hotel bookings and avoid using his name whenever possible. Traveling through airports is also especially stressful, as I routinely see him questioned and fingerprinted — so we always show up many hours in advance so we catch our flights. But the good outweighs the bad. We celebrate Eid and Christmas, our music library has doubled, and we always have interesting stories to tell one another. We've definitely been through our share of adversity, but we wouldn't have things any other way."
