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Seven Times You Annoyed Your Threenager

She's got more attitude in her little pinky than you do in your whole body

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1. When you asked her to "smile pretty" for the picture for Grandma and didn't accept her perfectly acceptable Boogieman/Oscar the Grouch/Dracula frown as a smile. And then asked her to try again. Don't you know she's too busy for pictures?


2. When you spent long overnight hours sewing her witch/ballerina/dinosaur hybrid Halloween costume and then she took one look at her friend's yellow Belle dress and wanted an instant costume change and you didn't have a yellow Belle dress on standby. Come on Mom. You knew better.


3. When you asked her not to open to knife drawer even though she JUST saw you do it to get a knife to cut the tomatoes, and you don't have a better explanation for this serious injustice than, "I'm a grown up."

4. When you told her to sit down to eat her dinner when you know damn well that tater tots taste much better in the middle of a running round-off back handspring that lands in the splits. Really, Mom?

5. Any and every time you said "maybe later" about a cookie, piece of candy or a Caprisun, and thought she would forget your promise just because she forgot where she put her sweater, favorite teddy, other dirty sock, half-eaten sandwich and brother's retainer. You just don't believe in her.

6. When you said it was time to get out of the tub right in the middle of the second act of her reenactment of Moana because she's been in there "too long", and then couldn't even get the wrinkles off her fingers! What are you good for anyway?

7. When you couldn't move the sun out of the way from shining where she was sitting in her carseat, playing outside, or reading an afternoon book next to the window. Even Elsa can change the weather.

Clearly, you were never a kid.

Clearly, you were never a kid.

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