We rounded up the funniest recent wife tweets we could find, and they are so hilarious and real:
1.
Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing because that's the soundtrack to the rest of your life.
2.
My phone: 58%. My husband’s phone: 7%. Me: Honey, I need your charger.
3.
You can't hurt me. You're not a picture of me that my husband took.
4.
Husbands be like, “I’m gonna nap in this room that everyone uses and then act grumpy when everyone uses it.”
5.
Husband: are you mad Me: no I’m fine !⃝ 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺 𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗽𝘂𝘁𝗲𝗱
6.
Pro-tip: If your wife says her clothes aren’t fitting her because they shrunk in the dryer, you agree with her. Immediately.
7.
I just heard my husband yell “protect me squire” at his game so I’m pretty sure he’s never getting laid again
8.
Husband: Let’s do something different & fun! Me: *leaves him with the arguing kids while I go shopping*
9.
Behind every good woman is her spouse who never smiles right in a couples selfie.
10.
If you walk in on your wife binge-eating brie over the sink, it’s probably in your best interest to pretend you don’t see her.
11.
Really good football today so my husband is bringing in tvs from every room and putting them all over our den so now my house looks like a Buffalo Wild Wings.
12.
I got asked for nudes once and I was like, “No, I’m married.” And he was like, “Yeah, I know. I’m your husband.”
13.
If my husband snores in a forest, yes I can still hear him from here because it's THAT DAMN LOUD
14.
husband: you’re so sweaty. did you work out? me: [just ate half a block of cheese] yes
15.
When I feel like my husband seems to relaxed, I’ll just start a sentence with “y’know, I’ve been thinking...”
16.
My husband pissed me off so I took photos of me using his tools improperly and sent them throughout the day while he was at work as payback
17.
I like being married because I can say things like “jeez I am so damn gassy today” and still end up getting laid later.
18.
I did an impersonation of my husband and we laughed and laughed and then he did an impersonation of me and we laughed and laughed and he slept on the couch.
19.
The only time I complain about my husband being on his phone is when I’m not on mine.
20.
True love is sending your spouse memes to look at while they’re pooping.
21.
Husband, “I’m going to the store, do you need anything?” Me, “A bottle of champagne.” Husband, “Oh, I got you one yesterday.” Me, “I said what I said.”