Updated on Jun 22, 2020. Posted on Jun 17, 2020

    27 Hilariously Brutal Tweets About Marriage That Should Be Hung In A Museum Somewhere

    "I just found out my husband eats spaghetti with a spoon, so I can't listen to your problems right now."

    Everyone knows that marriage has its ups, its downs, and its in-betweens.

    NBC

    Well, we rounded up some of the funniest recent tweets we could find about being married, and they prove that marriage is indeed for better, for worse, and for hilarious as hell:

    1.

    Made it to that level of marriage where you get in trouble for being able to fall asleep so fast.

    2.

    My husband and I have non-traditonal marriage roles. I control the tv remote while he sighs.

    3.

    Listen: I just found out that my husband eats spaghetti with a spoon so I can’t listen to your problems right now.

    4.

    If I go missing, it's because I adjusted the thermostat 1° warmer while she was sleeping.

    5.

    Accidentally forgot to pat my husband’s butt when he bent over today and he spent the entire day thinking I was mad at him. Marriage. Is. Wild.

    6.

    My wife said she’d buy her own birthday cake this is a test right

    7.

    My husband just said, "Okey dokey, Artichokey," and now I'm wondering if anyone can recommend a good divorce lawyer.

    8.

    I have my windows open today and I just heard my neighbor shout “I love you” to her husband as he worked in their yard and now I know I live next door to psychopaths

    9.

    Guys, never go to bed if you’re still fighting with your wife. Snoring will never help your argument.

    10.

    Me, giving my husband’s eulogy: It’s so hard Husband, from coffin: ᵀʰᵃᵗ’ˢ ʷʰᵃᵗ ˢʰᵉ ˢᵃᶦᵈ.

    11.

    My wife just yelled at me for walking too loudly if any of you were thinking of getting into a relationship.

    12.

    My husband texted me from Costco to let me know there was a line & I think he was looking for me to say “don’t worry about it, just come home” but instead I said “don’t forget the ice.”

    13.

    My husband is at Lowe's, unsupervised. There's $500 I'll never get back.

    14.

    Me: *Staying inside all day and seeing no one because we are in quarantine* Wife: Is that what you are going to wear?

    15.

    Husband: What is today? Me: I’m in no mood for your riddles today.

    16.

    This needs to be over soon because my husband is starting to realize I’m not out of his league.

    17.

    [hears husband calling me from the bathroom] *turns up the tv*

    18.

    My wife sighed through an entire argument, and won.

    19.

    My wife finished her shampoo and conditioner at the same time and now I’m worried I married a witch

    20.

    Before quarantine my husband used to eat like 5 Doritos and then fold the bag and put it away and since we’ve been in quarantine HE STILL DOES THE SAME THING I mean has this situation taught him nothing

    21.

    Me: You’re SURE you know how to cut hair? Wife: I told you I watched a YouTube video

    22.

    Definitely get married so you too can enjoy fighting over important issues like different grains of rice before 8AM.

    23.

    Me: are you sleeping? Wife: no. Me: if you knew we’d be quarantined, would you still have married me? Wife: actually I am sleeping.

    24.

    My husband hasn’t turned his TV off in 2 months but he’s gonna gripe at me for not turning out a light when I leave the room, yeah okay.

    25.

    Husband: Tell me a fantasy of yours. Me: So you go back to the office for work. Husband: And? Me: And?

    26.

    My wife won’t tell me what her reopening plan is.

    27.

    {On the phone with my mom} Me: What’s your secret to 55 years of marriage? Mom: We never hated each other on the same day.

    If you think these married people are as hilarious as I do, be sure to follow them on Twitter!

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