Parents·Posted on Jun 5, 202240 Hysterically Brutal Parents Who Pulled Absolutely No Punches On Twitter"The 30 minutes before I start my kid's bedtime routine are the longest three hours of my day."by Asia McLainBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail Parenting has it's good days, it's challenging days, and its totally hysterical days. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF So it's a good thing we have the parents of Twitter to sum it up in all its hilarious glory: 1. Laura Marie @lmegordon We're watching Shrek as a family and at the moment when Fiona turned from a woman into an ogre, my 2yo pointed to the TV and said "now she's a mom." 01:39 AM - 15 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @lmegordon 2. Kevin The Dad @kevinthedad The 30 mins before I start my kid’s bedtime routine are the longest 3 hours of my day 04:42 PM - 22 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @kevinthedad 3. KJ @IDontSpeakWhine My kid just tried to win an argument with "Because I said so" and I had to break it to him that only parents get to win by saying that. 12:17 PM - 11 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @IDontSpeakWhine 4. Satirical Mommy @SatiricalMommy 80% of parenting is trying not to laugh when you’re supposed to be mad 01:38 PM - 18 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @SatiricalMommy 5. Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal It dawned on me today that when my son wants to talk about Pokémon, he doesn't *really* want to talk about Pokémon. What he wants is to share his excitement and knowledge. What he wants is to bond with his dad. What he wants is quality time together. Still, it's a hard no. 12:32 PM - 25 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @HenpeckedHal 6. I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids My friend asked for suggestions for something short and dramatic to watch so I offered my 7yo daughter 01:46 PM - 19 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @IHideFromMyKids 7. NicholasG @Dad_At_Law 10 y/o daughter says she wants a job like mine someday because I’m “important but not that important” and my life story finally has a title. 12:00 PM - 12 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @Dad_At_Law 8. Marissa 💚💛 @michimama75 Me: would you like a treat from Starbucks? My boujee 5 year old: just get me my usual 08:09 PM - 20 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @michimama75 9. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn Me: What did you do all day? 12-year-old: Built Lego sets. What did you do? Me: Worked. 12: You're doing it wrong. 07:40 PM - 25 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @XplodingUnicorn 10. One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom My 4yo spilled some cereal and when I asked him to clean it up, he called the dog. There is nothing left for me to teach him. 04:14 PM - 27 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @oneawkwardmom 11. Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness My car was making annoying squeaky noises, it stopped once I dropped off the kids 12:45 PM - 12 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @Chhapiness 12. Ousa Medusa @MedusaOusa It’s cute when I put everything back where it belongs, and my family thinks I rearranged the house. 11:54 AM - 16 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @MedusaOusa 13. NicholasG @Dad_At_Law 10 y/o daughter doing the dishes overheard muttering, “I can’t believe how many water glasses this family uses,” and let me tell you, validation is a sweet thing. 12:12 PM - 20 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @Dad_At_Law 14. Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ @maryfairybobrry Legend states that when you’re overwhelmed and on the verge of a nervous breakdown, a small child will appear to tell you that you cut their sandwich wrong 12:21 PM - 28 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @maryfairybobrry 15. Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3 My kids asked for cold pizza for breakfast, I didn’t realize they’d grow up this fast 12:14 PM - 12 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @reallifemommy3 16. A Bearer Of Dad News @HomeWithPeanut Why are they called butterflies if they aren't flies covered in butter? -My 6-year-old, starting off his summer vacation with the tough questions 12:02 PM - 27 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @HomeWithPeanut 17. I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids Starting my own series of unboxing videos, “Unlunchboxing”, where every day I will reveal my daughter’s untouched lunchbox and cry into it 02:13 PM - 31 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @IHideFromMyKids 18. Too Much Context FreddyG @OrangeFreddyG 38 with no kids is younger than 26 with 3 kids 07:32 PM - 18 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @OrangeFreddyG 19. Dadology @Dadology_ I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato. 07:33 PM - 15 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @Dadology_ 20. Marissa 💚💛 @michimama75 No one: Absolutely no one: 5 in the middle of the grocery store: MY MOM IS 41! 02:06 PM - 30 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @michimama75 21. Lucy Huber @clhubes Ppl w babies: I don’t see why people stop traveling when they have kids! You can just strap the baby in and GO hiking! Grab a stroller, fly to Europe, it’s really all in your mindset Those ppl a year later w a toddler: it only took us 23 mins to get down the stairs this morning 12:41 PM - 09 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @clhubes 22. Rhyming Mama @sarabellab123 I understand that parenting requires you to pick and choose your battles but my daughter just told me milk is spicy and I’m not sure I can let this one slide. 03:02 PM - 13 Mar 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @sarabellab123 23. NicholasG @Dad_At_Law Took my daughter and her best friend to dinner and a show with endless snacks and sodas but we didn’t get ice cream afterwards so naturally this night will forever be known as “that night you didn’t get us ice cream.” 01:49 PM - 15 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @Dad_At_Law 24. Ousa Medusa @MedusaOusa My last child is about to graduate high school, and I’m most excited about never receiving another school email ever again. 03:14 PM - 16 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @MedusaOusa 25. MumInBits @MumInBits My 5yo said he’s had enough of his twin sister and wants to sell her on eBay so I told him that’s not a nice thing to say then made him sign a legally binding contract giving me 50% of whatever he makes 07:42 PM - 30 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @MumInBits 26. Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3 Life with kids, in one photo 12:13 PM - 20 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @reallifemommy3 27. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn Me: Can you fold the laundry? 12-year-old: I don't know how. Me: I can teach you. 12: I don't want to learn. 03:27 PM - 27 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @XplodingUnicorn 28. Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking 12: dad my friend wants to know if I can spend the ni- me: YES what time can I drop you off? Now? Is now good? 10:40 PM - 14 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @dadmann_walking 29. MumInBits @MumInBits 5 told me they’d been learning about the queen’s jubilee at school so I asked what he knew about it and he said “the queen has been on the phone for 70 years and that’s probably the longest conversation ever in the world and that’s why we’re celebrating” 06:02 PM - 27 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @MumInBits 30. Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking 7: [holding his head and sighing] me: having a rough day over there? 7: yes there's so many idiots. he's a whole mood. 11:56 PM - 31 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @dadmann_walking 31. Marcy G @BunAndLeggings My 6-year-old put a warm pancake on her face. I decided to try it, and it felt amazing. I get it now. 06:04 PM - 15 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @BunAndLeggings 32. mark @TheCatWhisprer The hardest part of parenting is finding your own special snacks that nobody else in the house likes. 01:22 AM - 17 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @TheCatWhisprer 33. Midge @mxmclain Dog’s private parts are pretty public, huh? -my 9 y/o staring at the dog’s butthole 01:09 PM - 11 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @mxmclain 34. kidversations @kidversations_ 7: I have a headache. Not the kind when you aren’t allowed candy though. 02:13 PM - 23 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @kidversations_ 35. NicholasG @Dad_At_Law Some parents believe their kids will change the course of history. My 12 y/o daughter just told me she wants to set the world record for eating the most Smarties blindfolded with chopsticks. 01:23 PM - 27 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @Dad_At_Law 36. DonutHawk @StruggleDisplay Forgot to wear a hazmat suit when cleaning out my son’s backpack this morning and now I need a tetanus shot 12:40 PM - 18 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @StruggleDisplay 37. Jules @asaltiercorpse One of my kids ate all of my Russell Stover sugar free chocolates. In about 30 minutes, one of my kids will learn an extremely valuable lesson. 12:34 AM - 08 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @asaltiercorpse 38. Marissa 💚💛 @michimama75 Cheese is better than humans. -5, dropping truth bombs 05:41 PM - 22 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @michimama75 39. Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ @maryfairybobrry Today I read a news article about a 13 year old who’s graduating college. I also had to pause while reading that article to yell at my teen to stop farting on his sisters pillows 12:43 AM - 26 Apr 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @maryfairybobrry 40. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn Me: Stop yelling at your sisters. 10-year-old: You don't understand. They won't listen, no matter how many times I tell them something. Me: *looks directly at camera* 03:06 PM - 21 May 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @XplodingUnicorn If you think these parents are as hilarious as I do, be sure to follow them on Twitter!