1.
Most of parenting is just getting mad at your kids for being exactly like you.
2.
Imagine a sprinkler stuck in the on position and instead of water it’s shooting out words. That’s what it’s like with kids.
3.
Her: I don't know what I would do without my kids. Me: me neither! But probably watch a 26 minute show on Netflix in under 6 hours.
4.
Before I had kids, I didn't even know it was possible to destroy an entire house with a granola bar.
5.
*Wakes up.* Is it too early to put the kids to bed?
6.
Most of parenthood is basically just walking from room to room whispering "WTF?" to yourself.
7.
YOU BETTER GET OVER HERE AND CLEAN UP THIS MESS OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL PASSIVE AGGRESSIVELY SIGH AND PICK IT UP MYSELF.
8.
You know you're a true parent when you've downed your headache pills with juice from a sippy cup. #parenting
9.
To anyone out there thinking about having kids, today my 2 year old threw a temper tantrum because she couldn’t get rid of her shadow.
10.
I'd pretend that I limit screen time, if my child didn't say "Subscribe to our YouTube channel" instead of "goodbye."
11.
Sorry for what I said while I was raising children. -Me, in about 15 years
12.
If you've never said "I love you too" in a way that sounds a tad bit angry, then you must not have kids you are trying to put to bed.
13.
Becoming a parent has changed me in so many ways. For example I look much much much older now.
14.
Like a moth to a flame except it’s all 3 of my children and it’s me in the bathroom.
15.
Most of my time as a mother has been spent in a closet, eating something I didn't want to share.
16.
Parenting is basically just walking around your house picking up dirty socks and threatening to take away everything your kid loves.
17.
If I start my toddler’s nighttime routine by 6PM I can usually get her to bed by 8PM the following day.
18.
Who knew being a parent was mostly repeating everything you say with increasing volume and rage.
19.
Did you know? The cave paintings we see today were really just drawings made by cave children, whose cave parents said "screw it" and stopped trying to clean the walls.
20.
The best thing about parenting is that by the time you learn how a thing works, everything has changed
21.
Every parent is basically Oscar the Grouch: cranky, unshowered, and living in a trash can.