Parents·Posted on Nov 29, 202021 Husband Tweets That Literally Made Me Laugh Until My Eyes Watered"10% of marriage is texting each other, 'Where are you?' from inside the same store."by Asia McLainBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail We rounded up some of the funniest recent husband tweets we could find, and I felt guilty for laughing as hard as I did: 1. Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal My wife, ladies and gentlemen 06:45 PM - 16 Nov 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. mark @TheCatWhisprer DATING: can’t wait to see you again MARRIAGE: part of your knee was on my side of the bed again last night 01:16 PM - 21 Aug 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. Simon Holland @simoncholland Me: My wife: Me: Wife: Me: Wife: Me: Wife: Me: (stands up) Wife: While you’re up.... 06:09 PM - 16 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. The Dad Briefs™ @SladeWentworth 10% of marriage is texting each other “Where are you?” from inside the same store. 09:15 PM - 31 Jul 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. The Dad @thedad Him: Do you sleep with a fan? Me: I'd say my wife mostly likes me, but fan is pushing it 12:07 AM - 17 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Simon Holland @simoncholland I’m no expert on women but making them a grilled cheese with the butter spread all the way to the edges is undefeated. 04:05 PM - 01 Sep 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. Stone @StoneAgeRadio13 WIFE: can’t wait until we’re old and sitting on the porch so I can tell you all my stories again because you won’t remember any of them ME: wait... your retirement fantasy is I have dementia? 01:11 PM - 28 Aug 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. ADHDeanBLM @ADHDeanASL Romance is weird. My wife said she wanted fantasy play but got angry when I handed her the wizard beard & 20 sided dice 06:20 PM - 19 Aug 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn Wife: I made a cake. Me: What's the occasion? Wife: I wanted cake. The best occasion of all. 08:01 PM - 28 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. Simon Holland @simoncholland My wife got a Yankee Candle coupon and I’m not sure if we can afford to save this much money. 05:37 PM - 09 Sep 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. Eternal Samnation @portmanteauface [on my deathbed] Me: *motioning for my wife to come closer* ᴬᴿᴱ ʸᴼᵁ ˢᵁᴿᴱ ᴵ ᴸᴼᶜᴷᴱᴰ ᵀᴴᴱ ᶜᴬᴿ 04:00 PM - 02 Sep 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. Dan Regan @Social_Mime My wife and I are to the point where all I have to do is text her "Hey" and she'll text back "They're on the dresser." 01:19 PM - 14 Nov 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Village Person @SvnSxty Me: happy anniversary! Wife: *eyes narrow* Me: what Wife: I just think it would be more romantic if you didn't say that every morning just in case 06:56 PM - 06 Aug 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness Not to brag but my wife and I can hold complete conversations by rage loading the dishwasher 03:10 PM - 09 Nov 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud ME: *blows out my birthday candles WIFE: Did you make a wish? ME: Yes I did. WIFE: *sighs* Did you wish that squirrels could roar like lions, again? ME: Yes I did. 06:45 PM - 06 Nov 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn Wife: What are you wearing? Me: I wanted to make a statement. Wife: Was that statement "I don't know how to dress myself?" 11:01 PM - 31 Aug 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. Grant Tanaka @GrantTanaka wife: oh cool, the zoo reopened me: [sitting on couch shirtless in cutoff sweats while drinking beer] why would I want to go look at a some bored dumb animal who sits around all day doing nothing 02:14 PM - 01 Sep 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. Village Person @SvnSxty Me: *dressed as a dragon* Wife: I meant SEXUAL fantasy Me: *handing her a donkey outfit* ya 05:45 PM - 11 Sep 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. Simon Holland @simoncholland Being the first to fall asleep at night is such a marriage flex. 02:01 AM - 12 Aug 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix Wife: What the hell are you doing? Me [ironing bathrobe]: getting my work clothes ready 12:12 PM - 20 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn My wife and I are both working from home. She microwaved fish. Time to alert HR. 07:05 PM - 02 Sep 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite If you think these husbands are as funny as I do, be sure to follow them on Twitter!