Parents·Posted on Sep 29, 201919 Parents Tweeted About Sex After Kids And The Truth Has Never Been So Hilarious"Your sex life as a parent basically becomes 'Fifty Shades of Pray Those Kids Stay Asleep.'"by Asia McLainBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. A Bearer Of Dad News @HomeWithPeanut Your sex life as a parent basically becomes "Fifty Shades of Pray Those Kids Stay Asleep." 02:23 PM - 29 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. Snarky Breeders @snarkybreeders If your sexytime music is cartoons playing loudly outside your locked door, you might be a parent. 02:07 AM - 30 Jul 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. Julie Burton @ksujulie Husband and I wrestled behind closed doors this morning. My daughter busted in and pounced on his back. No one won the wrestling match. No one. 03:11 PM - 26 May 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. Ramblin Mama @ramblinma Me: Do that thing I like Husband: [takes the kids and leaves] 02:11 PM - 09 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. Sara Says Stop @PetrickSara [Married pillow-talk] Husband: What's your deepest fantasy? Me: That when our kids eat dinner they don't leave any crumbs under the table. 08:13 PM - 02 Oct 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn Being married with children is like being a teenager again. You can only have sex if you sneak around and don’t get caught. 03:29 PM - 09 May 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. MyMomologue @MyMomologue Be sure to keep the spark alive by texting him sexy little nothings like, "We need to check the kids for lice" and "please buy tampons". 10:47 PM - 10 Aug 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite MyMomologue 8. Anna Grace @graceupongracie Having sex when you're a parent is like trying to shoot from half court with 3 seconds left on the clock. 12:22 AM - 22 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite Anna Grace 9. The Personification of Nevil @TheAlexNevil Before kids: shower sex After kids: shower decontamination 01:28 AM - 20 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. Crystal Lowery Comedian @Crystalllowery Him: What are you wearing? Me: Medical-grade hospital socks with anti-slip technology. 06:04 AM - 18 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. 🦅🇺🇸Elisabeth🇺🇸🦅 @YourMomsucksTho The best thing about sex after kids is probably no matter where in your house or car you do it, you end up with legos, Barbie shoes, or Shopkins lodged in your body 10:11 AM - 16 Jul 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. Simon Holland @simoncholland People think being a dad is just wearing cargo shorts and making lame jokes but you also got to have sex at least once and that was cool. 12:39 AM - 26 Jul 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite Simoncholland 13. Rodney Lacroix @moooooog35 [alarm goes off] Wife: Unnngh. I don’t want to get out of bed. Me: If you stay in bed, I’m going to try to have sex with you. Wife: Me: Hon? Wife: [already at work] 10:58 AM - 14 Jan 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Sarah Thyre @SarahThyre Dear parents who photograph their children napping or set up dinosaur scenes while their kids are sleeping: You should be having sex. 01:55 AM - 20 Nov 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite SarahThyre 15. Dennis DiClaudio @dennisdiclaudio Initiating sex before kids: "Hey, you look nice..." Initiating sex after kids: "How tired are you?" 11:43 PM - 01 Dec 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Dad and Buried @DadandBuried It's when you and your spouse start referring to each other as "Mommy" and "Daddy" that you realize you're never having sex ever again. 02:47 PM - 29 Nov 2012 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. Pandora Paton @pandora_paton Husband walking around in a towel...I swear if our son was sleeping and I wasn't so tired and...who am I kidding..#nosexlife #babysonogravy 11:20 PM - 29 May 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite pandora_paton 18. Mommy Hates Messes @MHMesses Lack of sex after kids isn’t due to lack of desire. It’s due to being completely sapped of your will to live, let alone have sex, after the debacle that is getting the kids to bed. 12:40 AM - 21 Feb 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. Stella G. Maddox @StellaGMaddox So sick of blog posts with titles like: Parents tell what sex is really like after having kids. I'm over here thinking, "There's sex?" 12:58 PM - 01 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite StellaGMaddox