23 Husband Fails That Happened, Of Course, While Their Wives Were Giving Birth
"The doctor held up my placenta, and my husband said, 'Cool, we can make fajitas with that!'"
1. "My first labor went so smoothly that my partner was able to catch our daughter when she was born. So naturally, he wanted to try it again when I had our second kid. However, this time the baby got stuck coming out, so the doctor had to do an episiotomy. They told my partner not to look. He looked. And then promptly hit the deck."
"To this day, 11 years later, he describes the birth of our daughter as 'like that scene in Alien when the thing bursts out of the guy's chest."
2. "After I delivered the placenta, the doctor held it up and my husband said, 'Cool — we can make fajitas with that!' Apparently, he didn't understand that eating your placenta meant in capsule form. My doula and I couldn't stop laughing."
3. "My husband had clearly never coached a woman through childbirth before. The entire three hours I was pushing, he kept saying, 'DIG DEEP!', 'Hit it out of the park!', and 'Swing for the fences!'"
4. "My husband had celebrated his birthday with a few drinks the night before our daughter's early appearance, and he spent my labor slumped in a chair. Well, when I started to crown, the midwife encouraged him to get up and come look at our daughter's head emerging. He did...and promptly threw up all over me as I pushed our baby out."
5. "I was an hour and a half into pushing when my ex said, 'Whoa, it looks like you're blowing a bubble!"
6. "After an hour of intense induced labor, my husband sweetly requested that I 'hold off' until the end of the LSU game. Surprisingly, we're still married."
7. "After my baby was out, the doctor told my husband to tell me the sex of our baby. He yelled, 'It's a boy!' The doctor replied, 'Try again.' Apparently, the swelling and the umbilical cord confused him."
8. "When my mom was in labor with me, she asked my dad to come closer and hold her hand, and he replied, 'But you've got bad breath.'"
9. "When I was pregnant with my third kid, my water broke in the middle of the night. And my son's father hurried to the hospital...without me."
10. "My water broke at home, and on the way to the hospital, my husband went two miles out of the way to drop off our rental movies at Blockbuster because he didn't want to get charged late fees."
—Tanya Munro Erway, Facebook
11. "I had just finished getting stitches when my husband turned around and said, 'You have no idea how much my balls hurt from these tight jeans.' If the midwives' tools were closer to me, I would've taken his head off."
—Ashling Shanahan-Quinsee, Facebook
12. "I had been in labor for 22 hours when my husband got hungry and had my mom bring him some of her 'Tex Mex spaghetti,' which is one jar of salsa, one jar of marinara sauce, a can of Southwest corn, and a packet of taco seasoning, all mixed together and dumped over pasta. I warned him it would do terrible, awful things to his stomach, but he didn't listen. He spent the next nine hours of my labor running to and from the bathroom until the doctor took pity and gave him anti-nausea meds, IV fluids, and medicine for the runs. He never ate my mom's cooking again."
13. "My husband took a picture of my placenta and sent it to all his friends, telling them to 'Have a placenta day!'"
—Christine Tomaso-Mason, Facebook
14. "I was pushing and everyone was encouraging me, and my husband accidentally said, 'Let's go, Jesco!' Jesco is our dog's name. He called me by our dog's name."
15. "There was a Subway restaurant in the hospital where I delivered. Well, eight hours into labor, he got hungry and went to get something to eat. Because he was wearing a maternity ward badge, he got came back triumphantly holding two sandwiches, one that he got for free. They were both for him."
16. "I was in the sweatiest moments of labor with my first child, so the nurse pointed my partner to a cool washcloth to wipe the sweat from my face. So he picked up the washcloth, folded it, then dabbed gently at my forehead like they do in the movies. I yelled, 'GIVE ME THAT!' and snatched it from him to wipe my own forehead. Then I threw it back at him and said, 'This is real life and that shit doesn't help!'"
17. "I had a pretty traumatic childbirth in which my son got stuck, causing multiple third-degree tears that needed hundreds of stitches. Afterwards, my husband looked at me and said, 'Wow, he tore you a new asshole!'"
18. "After giving birth to our son, the doctor inserted his arm into my vagina to help remove the placenta, and my husband said, 'Please don't do that, Doc. There's no way I can compete with that.'"
19. "When my mom was having me, my dad was shifting around in his seat, and literally said, 'I can't get comfortable.' My mom made him sit outside."
20. "During the birth of our first child, the nurse told my husband to grab one of my legs and brace me for each push since I'd had an epidural and couldn't move my legs anymore. Well, when the nurse said, ‘Push!’ my husband shoved my leg as hard as he could and whacked me in the chin with my own knee! Apparently, he thought the ‘Push!’ was meant for him. I didn’t let him touch me during the birth of our next two kids."
—Victoria Olson, Facebook
21. "When I was born, my mom had an emergency C-section, so she was on a lot of pain meds. That meant my dad had to fill out the birth certificate. And he spelled my name wrong."
22. "Seconds after my son was born, his father looked at me and said, 'That's definitely not what I put in there!'"
23. "I had an emergency C-section, and as the doctors were closing me up, my husband asked if he could see what they were doing. They warned him that it was bloody and gross, and he said, 'It's OK — she makes me watch Grey's Anatomy.'"
Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.