21 Dads Whose Tweets Made Me Laugh So Hard I Couldn't Even Hide It

    "Why aren't there any horror movies called, 'My 4-year-old fell asleep in the car at 5pm?'"

    We rounded up some of the funniest recent dad tweets we could find, and they made us laugh way harder than we should have:


    My daughter woke up at 6:06 today instead of her usual 6:00 because we let her stay up 5 hours past her bedtime last night.

    Twitter: @simoncholland


    When your kid has yet to finish a puzzle & now it looks like the scene of a teddy bear murder

    Twitter: @HomeWithPeanut


    8-year-old: *fights with her sisters* Me: All right, who started it? 8: You did when you had so many kids.

    Twitter: @XplodingUnicorn


    Hi, I'm a parent. You may remember me from such greats as "Repeating Myself" and "Arguing over Shoes" and "Stepping on Cereal."

    Twitter: @RodLacroix


    What parenting books don’t teach you is that your child can simply look at objects and make them feel sticky

    Twitter: @Chhapiness


    Lay concrete in your backyard they said. What could go wrong they said.

    Twitter: @Phil_Mattingly


    I got my wife the two things she really wanted: some time alone, and knowing that I'm slightly miserable

    Twitter: @HenpeckedHal


    Why aren’t there any horror movies called “My 4 year old fell asleep in the car at 5pm”

    Twitter: @threetimedaddy


    Twitter: @david8hughes


    So, do I leave my kids here and pick them up later or what?

    Twitter: @ThugRaccoons


    My daughter just asked me “do fish get thirsty” and I have no idea what to say

    Twitter: @CrockettForReal


    Me: Whatcha doing? 4: *laying down* That cloud looks like a puppy. Me: Sure does. 4: Is it time for snacks yet? Me: How about you get up from midfield and we finish the soccer game first? 4: *long pause* No, I’m good, Coach.

    Twitter: @Dad_At_Law


    ME: *exists* KID: that’s not how mommy does it

    Twitter: @TheCatWhisprer


    Blew my nose in front of my daughter and her friends today. Please respect her privacy during this difficult time.

    Twitter: @simoncholland


    Parents waiting on kids to finish a story 😑 ≤))≥ _| \_

    Twitter: @adamgreattweet


    8: I want spicy balls! me: you...what. 8: spicy balls. Can I have spicy balls? me: [narrows eyes] OH. Fireball candy? 8: yea! Me: don't call them spicy balls ever again

    Twitter: @dadmann_walking


    3 year old: how did you name me? me: we named you after great grandma 3 year old: MY NAME IS GREAT GRANDMA?!?

    Twitter: @HenpeckedHal


    My 3-year-old called his ice cream chocolate soup & now he's going to be my life coach

    Twitter: @HomeWithPeanut


    6-year-old: I got a note from my secret admirer. Me: Do you know who it is? 6: It should be everyone.

    Twitter: @XplodingUnicorn

    If you think these dads are as funny as I do, be sure to follow them on Twitter!