We rounded up some of the funniest recent dad tweets we could find, and they made us laugh way harder than we should have:
1.
My daughter woke up at 6:06 today instead of her usual 6:00 because we let her stay up 5 hours past her bedtime last night.
2.
When your kid has yet to finish a puzzle & now it looks like the scene of a teddy bear murder
3.
8-year-old: *fights with her sisters* Me: All right, who started it? 8: You did when you had so many kids.
4.
Hi, I'm a parent. You may remember me from such greats as "Repeating Myself" and "Arguing over Shoes" and "Stepping on Cereal."
5.
What parenting books don’t teach you is that your child can simply look at objects and make them feel sticky
6.
Lay concrete in your backyard they said. What could go wrong they said.
7.
I got my wife the two things she really wanted: some time alone, and knowing that I'm slightly miserable
8.
Why aren’t there any horror movies called “My 4 year old fell asleep in the car at 5pm”
9.
It would appear I have fucked up.
10.
So, do I leave my kids here and pick them up later or what?
11.
My daughter just asked me “do fish get thirsty” and I have no idea what to say
12.
Me: Whatcha doing? 4: *laying down* That cloud looks like a puppy. Me: Sure does. 4: Is it time for snacks yet? Me: How about you get up from midfield and we finish the soccer game first? 4: *long pause* No, I’m good, Coach.
13.
ME: *exists* KID: that’s not how mommy does it
14.
Blew my nose in front of my daughter and her friends today. Please respect her privacy during this difficult time.
15.
Parents waiting on kids to finish a story 😑 ≤))≥ _| \_
16.
8: I want spicy balls! me: you...what. 8: spicy balls. Can I have spicy balls? me: [narrows eyes] OH. Fireball candy? 8: yea! Me: don't call them spicy balls ever again
17.
3 year old: how did you name me? me: we named you after great grandma 3 year old: MY NAME IS GREAT GRANDMA?!?
18.
My 3-year-old called his ice cream chocolate soup & now he's going to be my life coach
19.
6-year-old: I got a note from my secret admirer. Me: Do you know who it is? 6: It should be everyone.