There's no question about it — being a parent can be downright hilarious.
So it's a good thing we have the hilariously honest parents on Twitter to keep it all the way real:
1.
My mom told me I needed to learn how to relax more so I dropped my kids at her house.
2.
My 4-year-old forgot the word microwave & called it a warm fridge instead.
3.
(my 5-year-old daughter does a cartwheel) Me: That was great! Do you want to try gymnastics classes? Or dance? You get to wear fun costumes and do shows. Her: No. I want to be a normal person and do nothing.
4.
My little girl is fiercely independent. She won't even hold hands on a walk because she "doesn't need help!" So when I felt her reach up and gently hold my hand as we walked into the first day of kindergarten I teared up. Then she dragged it across her slimy nose like a kleenex.
5.
Working from home while your kids are home is like trying to read a book at a Metallica concert.
6.
4 pm: 5 pm: 6 pm: 7 pm: 8 pm: 9 pm: 9:59 pm: 12 year old: I need some glitter, crayons and posterboard for school tomorrow
7.
My toddler climbed out of her crib and my first thought was “Why don’t they make some kind of lid or attachment for the top of these things?” Then I realized thaaaaat’s a cage.
8.
My 6-year-old is sick with a cough, so I told him gargling with warm salt water can help. He looked at me & said, "I'm NOT going all the way to the ocean right now."
9.
My kids are fighting because my 11yo filled my 6yo's Minecraft house with cats. There's like 100 cats in the house and she can't get rid of them. As a parent I don't know how to handle this situation lol
10.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you haven’t opened your kids backpack since the end of last school year, just throw the whole thing away.
11.
Watching a documentary on Ancient Egypt when my 5 y/o stops in front of the TV, drops her jaw and says, “THEY WROTE ON WALLS? You’re not supposed to write on walls!”
12.
Kids are like hurricanes. You give them a name, they destroy your house and then they leave.
13.
Asked my son if he could go anywhere in the world, where would he go? He said, McDonald’s. I said no, like a country. He said, OHHHH okay…McDonald’s in Japan.
14.
I just learned the word "bussin" from Urban Dictionary and will now be using it exclusively in front of my 12-year-old to ruin her life.
15.
Having a 5yo and a pre-teen is interesting because I have a kid that thinks I know everything and I have a kid that thinks I know nothing.
16.
Kids be like, I see you’ve just made yourself comfortable, I have manufactured several emergencies requiring your immediate attention.
17.
It’s so hard to make mom friends, why can’t we just bond over the fact that we’ve all caught vomit in our hands
18.
Nobody keeps it real quite like a kid drawing your portrait
19.
We were going to watch a TV show as a family but my kids are watching other kids on YouTube watch TV with their families.
20.
My 7yo told us she had a dream that she came downstairs late last night and saw us eating cake and omg I can’t believe that actually worked
21.
When I said “goodnight kiddo, I love you” did I somehow give you the impression that I wanted to see you again before morning
22.
Motherhood is spending all day Sunday deep cleaning the house your family spent the whole week destroying then repeating until death
23.
My wife just had to explain to our 5yo that you “don’t put butter in a smoothie”
24.
Not to brag but I can make my kids angry by just saying “good morning.”
25.
My biggest disappointment giving birth was that the nurse didn’t raise my baby into the air and sing the Circle of Life as she handed her to me
26.
My kid carries around an emotional support squash named Gary. How’s your family doing?
27.
Toddlers are terrible at hide n seek unless you’re not actually playing, then they’re suddenly masters of illusion, nowhere to be found.
28.
‘You birthed a human’ I mutter under my breath as I wrestle to get the sleeping bag back into the sleeping bag bag
29.
Here's a little song I wrote about the kids going back to school it's called "OH THANK GOD" and a one and a two
30.
Coffee mugs that say "I'll sleep when I'm dead" should be handed out to parents the day their kids are born
31.
6-year-old: I can tie my shoes now. It's easy. Me: So what's your next challenge? 6: Driving.