27 People Who Have The Most Embarrassing — And Hilarious — Drunk Fails Ever
"I was so drunk I texted a married couple I know and asked for a three-way."
We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the most embarrassing thing they've ever done while drunk, and the responses were just as hilarious and mortifying as we thought they'd be:
1. "Once, I was drunk and walked to my friend's apartment to crash there. The door was unlocked, so I went inside, but no one was home. I noticed the apartment looked different, but thought maybe they'd redecorated. So I decided to just get in her bed and go to sleep, but I'd drank so much that I ended up throwing up all over the room. After cleaning myself up and borrowing some clothes from her closet, I finally went to sleep. But when I left the next morning, I found out that my friend had been wondering where I was all night. Apparently, the apartment I slept in WASN'T HERS! Nope, I threw up in a random stranger's room, borrowed a random stranger's clothes, and fell asleep in a RANDOM STRANGER'S BED!"
2. "I was so hammered that I got on top of the bar and jumped off, thinking this really cute guy would catch me. But he turned away the second I leaped, and I hit the floor face first!"
3. "We went to a fast food drive-thru after too many shots at the bar, and for some reason, I decided to take off my clothes and crawl in the drive-thru window. The manager found me halfway in the window, screaming for chicken strips."
4. "I got blackout drunk and texted a married couple I knew to proposition them for a three-way. But I was so plastered I didn't realize I was actually sending the texts to MY HUSBAND at home."
5. "A guy told me he wanted to show me something upstairs in his room, but as we were walking up the stairs, I realized what was really happening. So, in my drunk logic, I decided to fall down the stairs to avoid the situation."
6. "I was kicked out of a burrito place for spilling drinks all over the table and trying to wipe up the mess with other people's tortillas."
7. "My friends and I were screwing around at a truck stop, when one of them dared me to strip naked and streak through the trucks. I happily and drunkenly obliged. But as I ran, dick flapping in the breeze, I accidentally tripped over some raised concrete and face planted, totally naked, into the cement."
8. "I came home plastered one night, and decided to make spaghetti. It wasn't until the next morning that I realized I'd strained the pasta with my pet's dirty pooper scooper, which I thought was a colander."
9. "My ex was a groomsman at my friend's wedding, and I started drinking pretty early on in order to not be flustered by him being there. Well, at some point, we all started talking about orgasms, and apparently, I pointed directly at my ex and yelled, "You won't get one from that guy!"
10. "I was drunk and missing my dad...so I found everyone on Facebook with his name, and added them as friends."
11. "I was drunk and horny, and wanted to lure a guy I was hooking up with to my dorm. So I split an Oreo in half, licked the two sides, stuck them to my nipples, and texted him a hot selfie of my 'cookie tits.' He didn't respond, so I passed out, mad at him. When I woke up, I still hadn't heard from him, but I DID have a text from my grandma saying, "You're a snack." That's when I realized that I totally fucked up, and somehow texted her by accident."
12. "I once got into a drunk fight with a tree because it was in my way."
13. "I took a scooter from a guy with a broken leg, and rode it around a rooftop club, yelling, "THIS IS SO COOL!", before my friends made me give it back."
14. "After getting hammered at a bar, I had to pee badly. But the bathrooms at the bar were disgusting, so I decided to just drop my shorts and squat in a bush on someone's lawn. Just as I started to pee, a cop car rolled by and FLASHED ITS LIGHTS ON ME AND MY BARE ASS. Needless to say, I got a ticket for public urination."
15. "I was drunk dancing at the club after too much Alize´, when I slipped on a spilled drink and took out four women and one woman's weave! The rest of the night, all I heard was, 'That's the white girl that slipped in the Henny and tore out Shandra's weave!'"
16. "I was a wild teenager, and once got so drunk that my parents found me passed out and took me to the ER. As I was getting assessed, the doctor asked me, 'When was your last period?' I replied, 'Science.'"
17. "I hid in the bushes and called four Ubers to play hide and seek."
18. "My boyfriend was the manager at a cool cocktail spot, and we were there on New Year's Eve. I'd had five drinks when I started chatting with two new bar friends, and for some reason, I went into graphic detail about how talented my boyfriend is at anal sex. Turned out my two new bar friends were the head chef and general manager...to whom my boyfriend (and now husband) became a legend."
19. "I was at my best friend's house, and she had a yellow dog who slept in a crate. Apparently, I was so sad he was alone in there that I climbed in the crate...and slept there."
20. "I got bad diarrhea at a college house party and totally clogged the upstairs toilet. And because I get really chatty when I drink, I told EVERYONE at the party about it, even going as far as to tell the guy I liked that my ass hurt. I was called 'Fuji' for the rest of my college career."
21. "I was at a bar with my sister and she told me that a guy I'd met months prior was looking for me. So my drunken brain told me that I should slide under the table to hide from him. But when I tried to slide, I got stuck between the table and the booth, and my sister had to ask the bouncer to come lift the table to free me."
22. "I got blackout drunk while visiting my friend in college, and when I came to, I was peeing in a shoe in a foreign exchange student's closet."
23. "I was dating a guy who kept leading me on, so my friend and I decided that I should put on a bikini and walk down the road to his house to show him what he was missing out on...at 6 a.m.! When we got there, we started drunkenly banging on the door, but he and the woman he lived with wouldn't come out. Instead, they called the cops on us, and when I explained to them what I was trying to do, the cops couldn't even keep a straight face."
24. "My friend and I had gone to get burgers after a night out, and I ordered a 'cheeseburger without cheese.' The waitress responded, 'Ma'am, do you mean a hamburger?', and I angrily insisted that no, it was a 'CHEESEBURGER WITHOUT CHEESE.' She finally yielded to my drunkenness, and I went on with my night, knowing that I was right the whole time."
25. "I woke up after a night of partying to find my phone missing, so I went to the front desk of my dorm to ask if anyone had turned it in. They responded, 'Are you Kelly?', and handed me my phone with a sticky note on top with my name written on it in my own handwriting. Apparently, I had given the front desk my phone to keep me from drunk texting anyone."
26. "A very annoying guy at the club asked for my number, and I gave him what I thought was a random number, so he would leave me alone. But I woke up the next morning with a bunch of upset texts from my best friend. Turns out, the 'random' number I gave the guy...was HERS. And he had been texting her all night."
27. "I blacked out and locked myself out of my hotel room, NAKED. And it was a boutique hotel with no elevator, so I had to walk down the stairs to the front desk — in all my nude glory — and ask for another room key. The concierge just stared at me, then handed me a key...and a towel."
Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.