15 Hilariously Cringeworthy Childbirth Fails That'll Make You Disinvite Your Husband
Poor guys didn't know what hit 'em.
We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the funniest thing that happened while they were in labor and as it turns out, husband fails were rampant inside delivery rooms:
1. "My husband was holding my hand while I was getting my epidural, and next thing I knew, he went down, HARD. The nurses tried to wake him up, but he was out cold. When he finally got back up, there was blood everywhere — on the floor, his head, his neck, his shirt. It looked like a massacre! He ended up being wheeled to the ER to have his head stapled."
2. "While discussing the different positions I could deliver in with my nurse, my husband asked if I could deliver 'doggy style.'"
3. "My husband and my midwife happened to go to school together, and while I was in labor, they were in the corner giggling and reliving old times. So I put on a zombie voice and snarled, 'Shut the FUCK up! I'm having a baby over here!'"
4. "I was in labor with twins, and my husband would not stop talking the whole time. And to make matters worse, he was breathing loudly right into my ear while EATING A SANDWICH! I was getting more and more aggravated with every contraction. So finally, I punched him straight in the face, breaking his nose, and told him it was an accident because of a bad contraction."
5. "My husband kept yelling sports metaphors into my ear. I swear, if he said 'dig deep' one more time, I would have lost it!"
6. "My husband played Salt N' Pepa's 'Push It' while doing his best white boy dance moves. Let's just say it's possible to laugh and give a highly-convincing murderous look at the same time...or so he tells me."
7. "I had been in labor for 21 hours when my nurses told me to try to get some rest. But my husband was asleep on the couch, snoring SO loudly that I couldn't fall asleep. Since my lower body was numb, I started throwing the only thing at arm's reach at him to wake him up: ice cubes. I just kept chucking those cubes at him until he finally woke up, thinking the hospital ceiling was leaking on him."
8. "In the middle of active labor, my husband said, 'I just want you to know that this labor has been really hard on me.' I looked at him, out of breath, and said, 'If I could move my legs right now, I would kick you!'"
9. "When I told my husband that I was ready to start pushing, he looked at me surprised and said, 'Can I go grab something to eat first?'"
10. "At one point in my labor, I told my husband, 'This is it — the baby is coming.' He looked at me and said, 'My parents will be here next week. Just wait.'"
11. "I was laboring in the delivery room when a nurse walked in and said, 'You don't look so good, I'm getting a doctor.' I then turned around to realize that she was talking to MY HUSBAND, who was lying on a recliner, wearing my pink bathrobe, sweating and shaking, with a fever of 104 degrees! Turns out, he had come down with a bad virus, so was admitted to the hospital...in my pink bathrobe!"
12. "I was ten centimeters dilated, in full-on labor, with a worn-off epidural, when my husband very seriously said, 'Wow, this stool is so uncomfortable!' I almost punched him."
13. "We were walking to the hospital when my husband got a leg cramp. My contractions were CRAZY bad and close together, and there he was, in the middle of the parking lot, stopping to rub his stupid calf! I almost killed him right then and there."
14. "Our doctor wasn't there yet, and the nurses were short staffed, so the delivery nurse said, 'Don't sneeze and don't laugh or that baby will come out.' My husband then squatted down between my legs and yelled, 'Blue 42! Hut, hut, HIKE!'"
15. "I had labored for 10 hours — including three hours of pushing — before my son was finally born. At the end of the night, my husband emphatically said, 'Man, I need to sit down, I'm tired!' REALLY? Had a rough day, did you?!"
Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.