1. This friend, who's not really the coddling type:

2. This friend, who will selfie the shit out of your moment of distress:

3. This friend, who will be shady behind your back...literally:

4. This friend, who wasn't able to commit:

5. This friend, who probably won't ever remember your birthday:

6. And this friend, who definitely will:

7. This friend, who makes the important preparations for your arrival:

8. This friend, who is like a way-too-honest mirror:

9. This friend, who schedules a 13% chance of flaking out on you:

10. And this friend, whose plant-sitting skills leave much to be desired:

11. This friend, who only sends you the important emails:

12. This friend, who will call out your lack of a dating life:

13. This friend, who isn't making fun of your misfortune, but:

14. This friend, who will apply for jobs on your behalf:

15. And Evan, who will bring you back down to Earth every damn time.
