2. Here is the list of the celebrities who will be blasting into space in 2014.
3. Richard Branson (obviously)
Chance of survival: 99% — Seeing as he headed up this whole “tourist space travel” thing, we can assume he’s pretty obsessed with all things space and would figure out how to survive in case of emergency.
4. Leonardo DiCaprio
Chance of survival: 10% — Sorry, Leo, but you’re just always letting go, and if you’ve seen Gravity, you know that holding onto things in space is a huge key to surviving.
5. Katy Perry and Russell Brand
Katy’s chance of survival: 75% — She’s got the eye of the tiger, after all.
Russell’s chance of survival: 22% — There are just so many stupid things to do in space, which seems like an opportunity Russell would be remiss to pass up.
6. Justin Bieber
Chance of survival: 16% — If you can’t even keep your pants pulled up, how do you expect to survive space?
7. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
Combined chance of survival: 100% — Have you seen Mr. & Mrs. Smith?
8. Ashton Kutcher
Chance of survival: 50% — He’s a bit of a goofball. Gorgeous, but still a goofball.
9. Tom Hanks
Chance of survival: 100% — Tom Hanks survives everything (see: Apollo 13, Cast Away, Forrest Gump).
10. Princess Beatrice
Chance of survival: 1% — The hat speaks for itself.
11. Paris Hilton
Chance of survival: 39% — Sure, she’s got America on her side, but she doesn’t seem to be wearing the proper clothing.
12. And two celebrities who did not have to pay for their ticket to space, but instead were gifted their passage by Branson himself. They include the physicist Stephen Hawking:
Chance of survival: 99% — Stephen Hawking is one of the smartest living people on Earth; he’s got it covered.
13. And actress Kate Winslet, who saved Branson’s 90-year-old mother, Eve, from a fire in 2011.
Chance of survival: 95% — Rose survives and has lots of babies, and Kate pulls people out of burning buildings, so we have faith.
To infinity and beyond!
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