1. Once upon a time, your loving parents coughed up a lot of cash to get you this fancy hardware.
2. Then, after many years, the blessed day came when your train tracks were derailed.
3. You looked damn good.
All hail the Duchess (or Duke) of Dentistry.
4. As a farewell present from your orthodontist, you got this SOB.
5. You wore it pretty religiously for a while; mainly out of fear.
6. But then life got in the way.
7. You started living on the edge...Only wearing it at night.
8. But as you and your retainer started to drift apart, so did your teeth.
9. So then the search begins for that overpriced piece of plastic from your past.
10. When you finally find it, it's gross AF.
11. Now that your retainer is (kind of) sanitary, it’s time to suit up.
12. WRONG.
13. HOW did your teeth ever fit in here? Have you grown an extra tooth since? A fang perhaps?
14. After a few shoves and nearly snapping it in half, it’s in.
15. Suddenly you become aware of every tiny fiber that exists in your mouth.
16. Ok, ok. Just wear it overnight.
17. Then you wake up at 3am in *excruciating* pain.
18. This thing needs to go.
19. You tug a little and realize you have to make a choice …
20. ...Rip this thing out or live in this plastic prison forever.
21. #$%&**%*^*&%^&$%!!!!!!!!!!
22. You plead with the tooth fairy for reconciliation.
23. And decide to just live with a crocked smile because we can't all be Kelly Rippa.
24. And there are other options out there.
25. Whatever. You look fly either way.
