10 Stages Of Homecoming Week For A Military Spouse.

Don't mind me, just losing my mind by the day.

10. The Email.

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There are 3 major days we wait for the second our significant other deploys: 1. Their first call, email, or letter, 2. The day they come back, and 3. GETTING THOSE DATES!

When we know the deployment is winding down we basically lose our minds every time our email notification pops up, and doubly so when it is from the Family Readiness Officer. Getting the homecoming dates and times is one of thee single most happy part of deployments. Knowing that you actually have a solid time & date is basically like every holiday happening at one time. Countdowns are no longer by the month or week. They are by the dang minute.

9. The Outfit.

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I mean, to be honest, you could probably show up in your pajamas for all they care, but the day you pick out your homecoming outfit is a big huge rainbow. You take pictures in the dressing room to get your friends "approval" on each and every single piece and combination. From the hair style, to the shoe, most significant others make at least a moderately big deal out of THE homecoming outfit. It's the first thing your significant other will see you in in 6 to 16 months, and even if you don't have a photographer, chances are there will be lots of pictures. You want to look good for them, for yourself, and most importantly, you want it to come off easily.... okay maybe that last part isn't a must of everybody, but you better believe at least the spouses are taking it into account!

8. How it is even possibly that 1 week is going slower than this entire year.

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Oh. My. Lawd. No matter how long they are gone, that last week is the single longest week you have ever experienced in the history of time. Nothing will make it go by faster, even if you tried to sleep every day away. It will drag on, and it will make you relatively nutso. In a desperate attempt to time travel, you cut off an extra ring from your countdown paper chain... nope... still Tuesday.

7. What if they've changed? What if I've changed?

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One of the (in most cases) most illogical thoughts that will probably go through your head. Usually we are able to email them daily, or at the least weekly, and even if you're stuck with snail mail you have been communicating the entire deployment for most couples. You both are probably the same exact people that you were when they left, but with all the horror stories you've heard (mainly PTSD) you can't help but worry that they'll be different, or for some reason unbeknownst to us "what if they don't like me". Well peaches, chances are if they liked you before and during, they're going to like you after. It's usually irrational, but it's also usually there.

6. Period, do not mess with me.

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This is for the ladies, obviously.

If you are a Military SO, chances are you know what Murphey's Law is. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Since the day he left and the car decided to break down in the middle of Western Boulevard a week later, shit has gone wrong when it never showed any warning signs of needing fixed while your significant other was home... so why should it stop now. Some of us use birth control to make sure our periods are working with our homecoming schedules, but for those of us who aren't so lucky chances are that bitch is making an appearance front and center the day before homecoming. I mean, when it comes down to it, it probably doesn't matter. You've both gone WAY too long without doing the dirty, so it's going down with or without Aunt Flo, but this is probably the one time in your life you will welcome her with open arms for appearing a week ahead of schedule.

5. Yep. I'm going to throw up.

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The emotions that go through you the week before homecoming are that of a woman who is 40 weeks and 2 days pregnant. Even worse if you ARE pregnant during this week. You are easy to snap at people, you cry the most you've cried through the entire deployment in a single night, and you have resorted to burning your Nicholas Sparks DVDs because just looking at Dear John makes you want to go to bed and never get out... well not for another week anyway.

4. I hope they can find me!

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If you've ever been to a homecoming in a hangar, or gym, or any other small space that is overflowing with hundreds of military members and then three hundred of their friends & family member, you know the struggle. You promise (true story, btw) "Okay I'm going to have this completely ludicrous cookie monster balloon with some vampire fang balloons. You won't miss them. I will stay with the balloons. I will not run to you.".... and then you run to them... without the balloons... like a moron. STAY WITH YOUR BALLOONS!! Make a game plan, and stick to it no matter how much your body is telling you to run for them. I'm not sure why I'm telling you this, though... because you aren't going to listen. Hell, I didn't listen to myself... so I guess just have a back up plan for when you completely disregard your original plan.

3. Stop Asking!!!!

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Yes, I have a date, no I cannot tell you. Mainly because you've got the world's biggest mouth, but also mainly because of OPSEC. We are not allowed to post dates of troop movements, especially deployment related, on facebook. If you call, and I trust you, I may let you know the date. But chances are you aren't going to know until he is on American soil. His homecoming date is something that those who will be there to greet him, and if they can't come, his immediate family has the pleasure of knowing. All of mine and your Facebook & Twitter friends have no reason to know that information.

2. Who should we invite?

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This is mainly up to the military member, since it is THEIR homecoming, after all, but most of the time they tell the significant other to invite whoever they think they should invite. Which then sends us into cardiac arrest.

You struggle with whether or not to invite anybody, let alone his parents, your parents, their best friend, their siblings... part of you wants to be selfish and have them all to yourself. But then you might piss of your future or current in laws. You could invite just their parents, but what if their siblings want in on it. Then their cousins. Then it turns into a family reunion and you have to play host(ess) the days leading up to and after homecoming. Will they give you alone time? Will your significant other be mad if you don't want anybody there and he comes home to just you? There are basically twenty million reason why we wish we could turn invisible when they say "you pick" and pretend you didn't hear them.

1. Holy shit. It's here.

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Okay so you know how emotional you were this entire week? Yeah well buckle up puddin' it's about to get bumpy. Everything you've went through is about to be done and over with. You're about to see them. Hold their hands. Kiss them. Possibly get some butt-butt. And you want to scream, cry, and laugh all at the same time. You have this feeling inside of you that is nearly ripping your skin apart, everything seems so surreal, and to be honest you kind of feel like you've gotta go number 2. You woke up at 5 in the morning, even though the homecoming ceremony isn't until noon, and you may have even gotten that "I'm here" text saying their plane has landed on base and they are all just sitting around waiting for the ceremony (which is probably the worst part, btw.... knowing they're ten minutes out your front door but you have to wait four more hours to see them.)

Other than holding your son or daughter in your arms for the first time, there is literally no other feeling in the entire world that even comes close to standing there staring at the person you've waited 6 month to over a year to just look at face to face, let alone be able to hold. This moment will forever be in your memory. A vivid memory. You will remember running to them, them running to you. You'll remember the look on their face, your children's face. You'll never forget the feeling, and even looking back the butterflies are just as strong as ever. That horrible goodbye, the tears you shed the first night and after missing their call, the frustrated temper tantrums, every single crappy part of them being gone has completely faded away because nothing is too hard to endure for this perfect moment.