Why Alicia Keys Is The Worst Waitress Of All Time

In “You Don’t Know My Name”, what AK intended to be a lyrical ditty about an innocent work crush turned into a blatant violation of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

1. She got his contact information out of the free lunch bowl at the restaurant.

So is he getting that free sandwich or nah?

2. Therefore calling him on his work land line or cell phone.

If the company gets audited, he could go down for this.

3. And also means she technically took company property.

Who gets away with stealing from the job? Oh wait…

4. She admits to going against company protocol to make his hot chocolate.

The manager explicitly states that she should be using water but she uses milk AND cream instead.

5. She memorizes his outfits.

If this ever went to the court of law, she might just sound like she was a stalker. MIGHT.

6. She daydreams during billable hours.

Girl, you know you need the money! You better get back to work!

But this was all just a dream and she never had the courage to speak to him. Guess she’s a better waitress than we imagined.

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