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24 Signs You're A West Coast Hippie

Please pass the kale chips.

1. If you don't get a weekly farm box, you are extremely jealous of your friends who do.

2. Finding an inchworm in your produce just means it's fresh!

3. In the event of constipation, you self-prescribe fruit. Why take laxatives when there are apricots in the world?

4. Reading your local alternative weekly, you are unfazed by an advertisement for an artist moonlighting as a rock stacker.

5. Occasionally when you're alone and you think about the plight of the California condor, it makes you want to cry.

6. You are fully versed in the concept of a controlled burn because you're all about responsible forest management.

7. You've worked on your consent skills. You've gotten good at giving permission, withholding permission, and asking for permission.

You can't count the times you've said "consent is sexy."

8. When you think about how much time the average person spends showering, it makes your blood boil.

9. Antiperspirant? That is some crimes-against-nature shit.

10. You've eaten Dumpster food.

11. When you say you can "taste the sunshine" in your fresh-squeezed orange juice, you are dead. Serious.

12. You feel bad for people who aren't comfortable being naked in the company of friends.

13. Downward-facing dog? What do I look like, a banker?

14. Are you someone who menstruates? If so, then you either use or wish you used a menstrual cup.

15. You didn't want to believe in the healing power of crystals, but you had a pretty transformative experience hiking through a vortex in Sedona, Ariz.

16. You've retained the services of a pet psychic.

17. Somehow you never get more graceful at coping when your clog falls off.

18. You'd really like to know how to speed up the process of breaking in a pair of Birkenstocks, because seriously, if you don't buy them secondhand, it'll take forever.

19. If you don't have your own guru, you definitely know someone who has a guru.

20. You've barbecued tofu.

21. You love to tell people about how quinoa is a complete protein.

22. Although you possess an abiding love for all animals, you have mixed feelings about cats because you are deeply concerned about their impact on the native population of ground-nesting birds.

23. You find this cup incredibly offensive.

24. And goddamn it you love hugs.