5. Occasionally when you’re alone and you think about the plight of the California condor, it makes you want to cry.
You can see the majesty in these bald creatures. Just because they’re hideous carrion birds who defecate on their legs to regulate their body temperature doesn’t mean they don’t deserve dignity.
12. You feel bad for people who aren’t comfortable being naked in the company of friends.
It’s society’s fault for making us feel ashamed. Like, how is it even possible that having pubic hair is seen as political now? We are humans. Humans have HAIR. Deal with it.
22. Although you possess an abiding love for all animals, you have mixed feelings about cats because you are deeply concerned about their impact on the native population of ground-nesting birds.
So cute, yet so involved in perpetuating adverse environmental outcomes on already vulnerable species. Color me CONFLICTED.
23. You find this cup incredibly offensive.
How can anyone keep calm with a Styrofoam cup in her hand? Don’t you know you’re poisoning the earth?!
- Beloved actor Gene Wilder, who starred in classics like "Willy Wonka" and "Blazing Saddles," has died at 83.
- Huma Abedin, a top aide to Hillary Clinton, is separating from Anthony Weiner after his latest sexting revelation.
- Apple will unveil the newest iPhones on September 7. Expect a new dual-camera system and NO headphone jack 📱