1. Bush-shaving was popularized by advertisers. Your privates are not a billboard!
No body hair removal of any kind was common in North American women until Gilette started marketing the “Milady” razor in 1915. Pube scholar Magdala Peixoto Labre writes that during this period, magazines “extensively disseminated the ideal of hairless white feminine beauty.” Capitalism wants you to think your body is gross and you need to change it. This is very rude, so capitalism will not be invited to my birthday party this year.
2. The rise of bald stylings seems correlated with the rise of internet porn.
In the ’80s and into the ’90s, Playboy, for example, was full of luxuriant bush. Internet porn, with its emphasis on close-up shots and movement, apparently encourages bushwhacking because it’s easier to see stuff on a small computer screen without pubic hair in the way.
11. And not dying your pubes saves you a lot of time.
Let’s say your bush is turning gray, or you just feel like it’s time for your mons pubis to get in on the pastel ombre trend. First, dying public hair is quite a process, especially since you don’t want to risk ruining your pH balance/life by getting hair dye in places it was never intended to go. You might also risk burning or otherwise irritating your skin, particularly if the color you’re using isn’t specially formulated for the pubic area.
Then again, if you do want to take the plunge, there’s a handy color wheel for determining which pubic hair color is right for you and your busy, muppet-ass looking bush lifestyle. (Blue means your pubes are calm, FYI.)
12. More bushes means less money for the merkin industry.
Hollywood has spent a good chunk of cash creating historically-appropriate merkins (genital wigs) for its bald leading ladies. End the madness. Spend that merkin fund on other things, like tiny sunglasses to place on your pubes.
14. Also like honestly, if your partner has a problem with it, fuck your partner.
Or rather, don’t.
16. Muskiness. And such. Pubes smell human!
While there are many theories surrounding the actual purpose of pubic hair (puns, perhaps?), there’s speculation that it, to quote a Scientific American article on the topic, “likely serves as a primitive odor trap and aids in the wafting of human pheromones.” Waft away, bbs.
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